Cassandra, daughter to King Priam and sister to Adorable Paris, has just set a bunch of Trojan guards on Vicki and Steven, because Steven was masquerading as a Greek soldier and Vicki greeted him like her long-lost homie when he was brought in. However! Adorable Paris steps in to save the day and gets all attractive and dominant.
PARIS: I am at present the officer commanding all Trojan forces and I will not tolerate interference from a fortune-teller of notorious unreliability!
CASSANDRA: How dare you?! I am High Priestess of Troy!
PARIS: All right then, get back to your temple before you give us all galloping religious mania! Oh really, Father, I can't tolerate another of her tedious tirades at the moment.
CASSANDRA: Father, do you hear him?!
PRIAM: Wow, suddenly I have a new favourite kid. I'm on Team Paris, soz, Cassie.
So Vicki and Steven are no longer in danger of imminent death, but that does still leave the problem of Vicki knowing the future and being familiar with the Greek prisoner. Priam decides to give her a chance; he'll give her one day to ensure the Trojan victory over the Greeks, which is the same deal that Odysseus gave the Doctor over at the Greek camp, so either way one of them is screwed. But as the Doctor is pitching the idea of a human catapult to the Greeks - seriously - well, I mean. I know which side I think is going to win. (Hint: it's not the Greeks.)
During Vicki's intense plotting for the salvation of Troy, Priam decides that Vicki would be most comfortable in the dungeons with a cell next to Steven's. The two of them fret over their situation for a while, and then, gosh! Cyclops appears at the window! I mean, immediately I wonder why Cyclops hasn't just sneaked in and opened the Trojan city gates to the Greek soldiers before now, but plot holes schmot holes. Steven begins to tell Cyclops what the deal is with the Trojan plan, but Troilus, Paris's little brother, appears to give Vicki some food and catches him. Steven plays it cool ("Just admiring the view!") but by the time Troilus has finished flirting with Vicki and left (which takes an awful long time, a fact that Steven does not hesitate to mock Vicki about, which endears him to me greatly), Cyclops has disappeared.
Meanwhile, the Doctor has realised that his human catapult idea isn't actually all that great. Odysseus gets annoyed and demands to hear something from him ASAP, otherwise there's going to be a very dead former-Zeus knocking around pretty soon. The Doctor is all, "Umm... a giant... wooden horse?" and Odysseus responds with, "Omg OKAY." So that's a plan they now have.
Oh, Cyclops is back! And the Trojans kill him. So. That little subplot didn't really amount to much.
In an astonishingly short amount of time, the giant horse has been built! The Doctor, who has been made to get inside it with the soldiers, keeps trying to stall the attack with concerns about the fetlocks and the left phalange, but Odysseus shuts him up by telling him he's making him "as nervous as a Bacchante at her first orgy". So. Can't argue with that.
The Trojans, as you might expect, totally fall for the Greeks' plan and wheel that bad boy right on in. Priam is terribly pleased about the Greeks' apparent disappearance and blames it all on Vicki bringing them good luck, a fact that Cassandra is pretty pissed about. Vicki, for her part, is torn between wanting to seem cool to the king, and also wanting to tell them that maybe they actually shouldn't be too happy about the giant horse they just stumbled upon.
Cassandra is flipping her shit at Vicki's troubled mutterings, and Paris is hilariously unsympathetic to his sister's distress.
CASSANDRA: Woe to the House of Priam! Woe to the Trojans!
PARIS: I'm afraid you're a bit late to say 'whoa' to the horse; I've just given instructions to have it brought into the city.
PRIAM: LOL
TROILUS: LOL
VICKI: LOL
CASSANDRA: I hate everything.
End of part three! Only one more episode of good stuff before we hit a twelve-parter DALEK EPISODE. Looking forward to THAT. (Sigh.)
Moosh
No comments:
Post a Comment