The Myth Makers Part 2/4: Small Prophet, Quick Return

So in the last episode, the TARDIS landed just outside Troy in the year Something BC. The Doctor met some Greeks who thought the Doctor was the great god Zeus, and then met some more Greeks who thought he definitely was not. Cyclops is here, but he's a skinny dude with an eyepatch, Achilles is here, but he's another skinny dude that the other Greeks laugh at, and Vicki is here, but she is inside the TARDIS and the TARDIS has disappeared. Also everyone wants to kill Steven.

Soooo after the shocking report that Zeus's temple (the TARDIS) has vanished, Agamemnon (guy in charge), Odysseus (the local knob), the Doctor (incompetent Gallifreyan), Cyclops (aforementioned skinny dude), and Steven (loveable idiot) with his guards (assorted Greeks) go outside to see what the deal is.

I mean, as Cyclops explained pretty well, the deal is that the TARDIS isn't there any more.

GREEKS: Well 'Zeus', it looks like your 'temple' isn't here any more. How about that 'lightening bolt' to kill this Trojan spy that you have 'never met before' to prove that you are who you say you are?
DOCTOR: Ah.

So he admits that he is not Zeus! And then Agamemnon decrees that in that case he needs to be killed. So. Not a great plan, as plans go. Hashtag incompetent Gallifreyan.

The TARDIS, it turns out, has been kidnapped by the Trojans. Well, one Trojan in particular - Paris, son of another king (Priam) and brother to Hector, the guy Achilles killed at the start of the last episode. Paris went to the Grecian camp to avenge his brother, but Achilles fled, so Paris brought this shrine-type-thing back to impress his father, whose reaction upon seeing the TARDIS was something along the lines of "... well, what am I supposed to do with that?"

Oh, and there's some more good dialogue! This time between Paris and his sister, Cassandra.

PARIS: Can't we just leave it where it is for the moment?
PRIAM: In the middle of the square?
PARIS: Yes - I mean, it could be a sort of, er... a sort of... a monument.
CASSANDRA: A monument to what?
PARIS: Well, to my initiative, for instance. After all, it is the first sizeable trophy we've captured since the war started. Probably turn out to be very useful.
CASSANDRA: What sort of use would you suggest?
PARIS: Hah, what sort of use! Well... I mean. Don't quite know, actually.
CASSANDRA: Dumbass.

I like Paris. Because the first ep of the serial was from the Greeks' point of view, I feel like I'm not supposed to side with the Trojans, but. I mean, I kind of am. Tentatively Team Trojan.

Cassandra seems to think that the TARDIS is a trap laid by the Greeks; it was on Grecian territory and unguarded so it's suspicious. Paris argues that his sister is a crazy person. Cassandra ain't taking none of his bullshit.


The Trojans conclude that they might as well burn the TARDIS anyway, as a sacrifice to THEIR gods, and if there happens to be a Greek soldier inside, well, all the better! Vicki, who has been listening to the conversation on the TARDIS scanners, panics a little, and rushes straight to the wardrobe so she can dress appropriately for her death by sacrificial flame.

Paris gets a little nervous about burning the TARDIS without consulting the gods first, so Cassandra calls out for a sign from the gods to make sure they're doing the right thing. And lo and behold, Vicki steps out of the TARDIS and is met with suspicion from everyone except Paris, because hello - Paris is adorable.

CASSANDRA: She's some drab of Agamemnon's, sent to spread dissension!
VICKI: I'm nothing of the sort!
PARIS: Of course you're not. I can tell.

King Priam takes over and starts interrogating Vicki. He thinks the name 'Vicki' is a bit silly, so he calls her Cressida, and invites her inside for tea and scones, before shooing Paris back outside the city gates so he can properly avenge his brother. Paris leaves reluctantly, but not before being adorable and stuttery at Vicki and a ship begins to grow in my heart. Though I just looked up Paris and Cressida on Wikipedia and spoiler warning - nope. :(

Odysseus, who actually believed Steven and the Doctor's story and has freed them on the condition that they help him lay a siege on Troy, is pressuring them to come up with a plan. Steven suggests maybe a giant wooden horse might do the trick, but the Doctor scoffs and tells him he's stupid. A bit miffed, Steven figures he might as well go try and rescue Vicki, seeing as nobody is listening to him. The Doctor and Odysseus agree that Steven is not much use, so they dress him up in a Greek soldier uniform and send him out to confront Paris so he can be taken captive and get inside the Trojan city.

So Steven meets up with Paris and the two of them awkwardly fight one another for a bit until Steven yields to Paris's masterful swordsmanship. He manages to convince Paris that taking him prisoner would bring great honour to Troy, so the two of them head off to the city. (Steven has to remind Paris to pick up his sword from where he'd dropped it. I discover that I can ship Paris with pretty much anyone.)

Paris takes Steven directly into the palace where Vicki is trying desperately not to tell Priam about any horse-related stories she may or may not have heard. Priam is once again unimpressed by Paris's excellent capturing abilities, but reluctantly agrees to question the prisoner. Steven is brought in, and Vicki totally gives the game away by being all, "Steven! What up, bro!"

Cassandra, who was lurking in the background, takes this as proof that both of them are GREEK SHITS and sets a bunch of guards on them. Steven and Vicki, who brought this on themselves by being uncool and the opposite of smooth, are suddenly surrounded by sexy Trojan men. Both of them are quite overcome. Cassandra is a little envious.


Aaaaand end music! Man, I gotta say, I'm really liking The Myth Makers. I'd recommend that if you were to watch any serial of One's, it'd be this one, but also it is made up of audio and still images rather than any actual footage, so. (If you do want to go watch some lesser-shit episodes with footage, my favourites so far are, I think, Planet of the Giants, where the TARDIS and its inhabitants are shrunk down to TINY SIZE, and The Rescue, where they first meet Vicki, both from season 2.)

See you soon with more Myth Makery goodness and hopefully lots more Paris. :D

Moosh