Friday, November 2

The Daleks' Master Plan Part 11/12: The Abandoned Planet

The Doctor stole a thing from his fellow Time Lord to make his TARDIS not shit any more! Said other Time Lord, the Monk, is now stuck bouncing aimlessly through time and space, and the Doctor, Steven and Sara are trying to fix up the Doctor's TARDIS but are getting a little bit blown up for their troubles. The Daleks and Mavic Chen have the hunk of Taranium that they've been after for the entire course of the serial, and are going to use it to power a Time Destructor that will make them leaders of the universe or something idk.

Turns out, though, the Doctor, Steven and Sara are not as blown up as we thought! Bad news, though: the directional unit has completely melted down. Looks like the TARDIS is staying shit for a little while longer, and also they have no way of getting back to Kembel. The Daleks are gonna take over the universe and everyone is just going to have to deal with it.

Oh, but, hang on, they check out the scanners to see if there's a Dalek time machine kicking around that they could maybe steal, and they're not in Egypt any more. They're in KEMBEL, FANCY THAT. The directional unit was one trip only, so yeah the TARDIS is still shit, but also there's a chance of taking down the Daleky overlords. How convenient.

In Dalek HQ, the Taranium is being fitted into the Time Destructor. The other galaxy representatives are getting really sick of Mavic Chen's shit and, ooh! Celation is back! Remember, the dude who was laughing when the Daleks exterminated another galaxy rep back in episode 8? I don't think I ever included a picture of him, he's probably my favourite alien so far.

Celation is REALLY not happy that Mavic Chen is still kicking around, and is even more pissed off that Mavic is privy to more of the Daleks' plan than the other representatives, because he hangs out with the Daleks so much. Mavic Chen is all, 'SFTU, ur just jealous because I'm the Dalek Supreme's favurit' and all the galaxy reps go mental. Mavic Chen takes out his gun and shoots one.

Things quieten down a little (the Dalek Supreme sneaked away during the crazy) but Celation is still not on Team Mavic Chen, surprisingly.

CELATION: We have all served the common cause! All of us!
MAVIC CHEN: Indeed we have. But I, Mavic Chen, was solely responsible for the recovery of the Core of the Time Destructor. Because of this, I naturally precede anyone here. For without my power, the Daleks cannot succeed. You do appreciate the point!
CELATION: There remains one question. Where is our co-ruler, the Dalek Supreme?
MAVIC CHEN: He - he was... Oh. Er. It is clear that he knows that I can run this council without his aid!
DALEK: It's clear you're an irritating prick that none of us like, actually. Shit is about to go down, guys, brace yourselves for some Dalek action! :D

In the forest, Steven and Sara are complaining about having to traipse through the jungle. Steven warns Sara to watch out for the Varga plants, to which she replies, '... what Varga plants?' because there are NONE AROUND. They look at each other and are like, 'Dude, are we actually even ON Kembel?', and then figure that the Doctor was pretty sure so they're almost definitely on Kembel, right, Doctor? Only the Doctor has disappeared, so.

Steven and Sara decide that, well, okay, the Doctor has probably gone to the Dalek HQ, so they should probably go too. After a little bickering, they do that and when they get there, everywhere is deserted. They wander into the control room, which is also empty, and stumble upon the Daleks' time machine and decide to make sure they stay undercover and not-exterminated by using the LOUDSPEAKER to tell the Daleks to send the Doctor to the control room. Um, okay, guys, good work.

Oh, see, I was thinking that maybe Sara and Steven were on Kembel but were just in a different time, but not so much. Mavic Chen, who has been herded into a cell with the other galaxy representatives, replies to the broadcast on the intercom system that apparently the Daleks have.

Celation and the other alien dudes drag Mavic Chen away from the speaker because they don't like him having fun in any way, and tell Steven and Sara that they are the Galactic Council! And they're locked in a detention cell! And could you please come and let us out, Steven, we are so trapped and helpless. And Steven FUCKING AGREES. COME ON, MAN, I KNOW YOU'RE ADORABLE AND DIM BUT THIS IS ANOTHER LEVEL.

God, and then Sara joins in. Sara I expected better of you. They find the cell where all the galaxy reps are, and Steven demands to know where the Doctor is. The representatives are adamant that they don't know, and Steven almost refuses to let them out, but then they all insist that they want to take down the Daleks because they have been betrayed and Sara is all for any and all acts of violence that would occur, so that happens. Brilliant. You guys are doing really well this episode. Con-grat-u-lations.

Everyone seems to be in agreement that due to the facts that (a) the Daleks have the Taranium and (b) they have disappeared off somewhere, that they're probably already making a start on all the invading they planned on doing. To this end, the galaxy representatives decide that they're all going to go back to their own parts of the universe and warn their people of the oncoming Dalek shitstorm.

Steven and Sara stand outside watching everyone take off in their own little spaceships. They all get off just fine, except Mavic Chen, whose spaceship explodes, which is unfortunate for him, but good news for everyone else because that guy was one hell of a douchenozzle. Hilariously, Steven's reaction is pretty much, 'Oh well. Best go find the Doctor then, hey?'

But then what do they happen to see but a Dalek sneaking off to an UNDERGROUND LAIR. I'm sure this is meant to be very intriguing and all but oh my god I am so ready for this serial to end. Where is the Doctor and why do the other characters care about finding him because he's actually really shit. Why was the TARDIS good for all of three minutes. Why do they keep killing off/abandoning my favourite characters. I have all sorts of problems with this show, geez.

I mean, back to the actual episode: Steven and Sara follow the Dalek (obviously) and then Mavic Chen appears because he's not actually dead and nobody CARES oh my god. He's still as much of a prick as he ever was.

STEVEN: The representatives gone and the Doctor disappeared - we're gonna have to put them out of action ourselves or Earth will still be invaded.
MAVIC CHEN: Certainly! Thanks to you.
SARA: Chen! But you're dead!
MAVIC CHEN: Not yet, my innocent one, though I'm delighted my pyrotechnic display impressed you. No, I am alive and soon shall be master of the universe! Perhaps, Kingdom, you'd like to lead the way.
SARA: Perhaps, Chen, you'd like to suck my dick. I am so done with this bullshit.

Next - and FINAL!!!1! - episode of The Daleks' Master Plan tomorrow!



  1. You are doing an excellent job with these recaps. Your parodies of the dialogue are hilarious.

    Some specific comment:
    "Where is the Doctor and why do the other characters care about finding him because he's actually really shit."
    Aw, I thought you were beginning to like him. I don't mind the cranky old guy, I find him entertaining.

    "Why was the TARDIS good for all of three minutes?"
    Because the producers thought that a wonky Tardis somehow made the show more exciting.

    "Why do they keep killing off/abandoning my favourite characters?"
    Better skip next episode. This Doctor, even more so than the others, goes through companions very quickly.

    1. I remember there being an episode recently that I liked him - I think it was the Christmas one. But mostly he's still really annoying. LOOKING FORWARD TO TWO.