The Daleks' Master Plan Part 2/12: Day of Armageddon

So we left the action with the GUARDIAN OF THE SOLAR SYSTEM in league with the Daleks, which is a bit not good. Inside the TARDIS there's a dude restrained via magnetic chair, an unconscious Steven and a lady from ancient Troy, and outside the TARDIS there's a shitload of Daleks and the Doctor hiding behind a tree. Let's do this.

Oh my god, you guys, there is footage in this episode! I'd forgotten that the characters in this show could actually move! Shit, I barely even know what to do with myself now. There's going to be facial expressions and visual cues and holy shit y'all. Hoe lee shit.

So Mavic Chen, the GUARDIAN OF THE SOLAR SYSTEM, is hanging out in Dalek HQ and this guy dressed as, like, a Dementor scarecrow shows up.

He is Zephon, Master of the Fifth Galaxy, and he basically just wants to know what Mavic Chen's deal is.

ZEPHON: One thing surprises me: that you, Guardian of the Solar System, have agreed to become one of us.
MAVIC CHEN: Why the surprise? As you say, I am Guardian of the Solar System. But that is nothing more than a part, however influential, of one galaxy. Would you be satisfied with just a part of a galaxy?
ZEPHON: The solar system is exceptional. In its power lies influences far outside its own sphere. Surely by joining with the forces determined to destroy that power, you mark yourself out as a supreme traitor?
MAVIC CHEN: A traitor with loads of bitches fulfillin' all my needs, homedawg.
ZEPHON: I'd thank you to not objectify women in such a way.

The Daleks overhear Mavic Chen and mark him down as a megalomaniac creep to dispose of ASAP, so I guess they're not all bad.

Back in the TARDIS,, it turns out that Karatina had dragged Steven out of the ship somewhere because the Daleks were coming. Also, she freed Bret. I mean, it's understandable because she doesn't understand all this space shit, and also she thinks she's on a journey to the afterlife, so she's probably not thinking these things through logically. But basically the upshot of this is that the Daleks have the TARDIS now, lol, and they plan to blow it up with FLAMES from their PLUNGERS. Seriously.

The Doctor (who has appeared out of the undergrowth) wants to rush back to liberate the TARDIS from its firey doom, but Steven argues with him and tells him that he is being dumb (which he is). The Doctor is all, 'Shut up, man, I know the Daleks!', to which Steven responds, 'No YOU shut up I know them too, dickwad,' because Steven was fighting the Daleks when he first met the Doctor and that is a cool thing. I love it when companions outsmart the Doctor. (Not in a shit River Song type of way. Just in a cool 'every now and then the Doctor doesn't know everything' type of way. But I digress.)

Jeez, then Bret comes along and tells them BOTH to shut up. I am feeling the testosterone pumping in this episode, damn. Steven can definitely feel it too.

Aaaand the Doctor comes up with the plan of going right into the Dalek city because that's the last place the Daleks will expect them!!!!1!! He is such an idiot, god. So they go there and, gasp, they see the spaceship of the GUARDIAN OF THE SOLAR SYSTEM, Mavic Chen!

BRET: That one in the middle, that's from Earth. That's Mavic Chen's!
DOCTOR: You know that spaceship?
BRET: Yes, I do. It belongs to the Guardian of the Solar System!
DOCTOR: Oh, then you'll know how to fly it, hmm?
BRET: Yes, of course I do, but--
DOCTOR: Cool! Then we'll steal THAT ONE!

But then they see Zephon, the guy who is the Master of the Fifth Galaxy, and decide another cool idea would be to knock him out then take off his clothes then WEAR his clothes and then go to the super-secret Dalek conference so they can hear the Daleks' plans in greater detail.

So the Doctor does that and is terrible at being inconspicuous but nobody really notices because they all have pretty rudimentary prosthetics over their eyes for their alien costumes and he makes it into the meeting without incident. The Daleks reveal that they've created this thing called the Time Destructor and Mavic Chen has provided them with a core made of the rarest element in the universe, Taranium.

While Mavic is showing off, the real Zephon (who is still wearing a cloak thing, so I guess he layered up that morning) has regained consciousness and sets off an intruder alarm just as Bret, Steven and Katarina make it inside Mavic's spaceship. Everyone at the conference goes mental and runs out of the room; the Doctor, demonstrating a rare bit of ingenuity, grabs the core of Taranium and slips it under his Dementor cloak. But then Zephon, with his arms still tied up, runs into the room and chases the Doctor out of it and I probably shouldn't be as laughing as hard as I am but just the way they're both WADDLING in their little cloaks omg.

Unfortunately they can hear the intruder alarm in Mavic's spaceship, too, and as Bret is in charge and is determined to prove his manliness, he decides that he who falls behind is left behind, and gets ready to fire up the ship. Katarina implores him to stop right now, thank you very much, because they won't be able to get to the place of perfection without the Great One, but Bret ain't taking no shit from nobody, so he ignores her and fires that bad boy up anyway.

How exciting, the Doctor left alone in the middle of Dalek HQ wearing a stupid cloak with a jar of Taranium hidden in his knickers and being chased by an alien scarecrow. I notice everyone has just forgotten about the TARDIS, though, the poor thing. I mean, it's made of WOOD and the Daleks are SETTING FIRE TO THE FOREST, so. Show a little concern, Doctor, your baby is feeling unappreciated.

Moosh