Sunday, September 2

Mission to the Unknown, Part 1/1

Okay so this is a single-part episode! Cool. Downside: it starts off with a guy sitting in what looks to be his own front room, telling the camera things directly. I think that means this is another episode with little to no footage. Because these things aren't difficult enough to get through as it is.

This episode, he says, is unique for several reasons. Number one: there is no Doctor! Oh, okay. That's fine, I can deal with that. Nor, he continues, are there any of his companions. Right... so. I mean. Can I skip this one? If it's just a happy standalone with random characters? Alas, no. For it's a DALEK EPISODE. Sigh.

Here we go.

Okay, so, we're in a rainforest and there's a dude lying unconscious on the floor. Suddenly, he wakes up and pulls out a gun. "I remember now," he says in quite a calm and pleasant voice. "I must kill. I must kill!" Not what I was expecting, but who can predict anything in this crazy old Doctorless world.

In some other part of the forest, two guys are trying to fix their broken spaceship because they crashed it into the planet. Can nobody fly straight any more? Jeez. One of the guys is the captain, his name is Gordon Lowery. The other's name is Marc Cory, and I don't know why he's there, but apparently the captain had orders to give him 'full reign'. What do we reckon, the boss's son? Foreign aristocrat? Place your bets now.

The two of them wonder briefly where 'Garvey' has got to, so the unconscious dude from earlier probably has a name and it is probably Garvey. And here he is! Hiding behind a bush and muttering, "Kill, kill!" Awesome. Ooh, and he's sneaking up behind Captain Gordon, while Marc is inside the ship looking for a spanner or something. He draws a gun... and then gets shot in the face by Marc. I think I LIKE this guy.

Captain Gordon is angered by the fact that Garvey is now dead, and he goes to attack Marc, but Marc just casually backhands him across the face. Brilliant. Badass Marc goes to check on the dead dude and finds a thorn sticking out of his neck. It's a... Varga thorn? They take a few of Garvey's things for his family back home, and then some weird shit starts happening to his hand. What could this mean?

Badass Marc takes Captain Gordon inside the ship and sits him down.

BADASS MARC: I didn't intend to tell you anything, but since we're stuck on this planet and Garvey is dead, there are some facts that you're entitled to know.
CAPTAIN GORDON: Yeah - Jeff Garvey's dead. I mean, we flew together for the last ten years, and now he's dead, and you killed him. You'd better explain that fact and make it good.
BADASS MARC: Bitch do not sass me.

Turns out, Badass Marc is from the Space Security Service and he is licensed to kill. Aaaand he tells us some Dalek backstory. They invaded Earth about 1000 years ago (which puts present day at at least the year 3100, 'cus Susan's last episode was 2167 during the Dalek Invasion of Earth) and they've been gaining power in some far-off galaxy. Then, a week ago, a space freighter captain reported a sighting of a Dalek ship. The music legitimately goes DUN DUN DUNNN at this point.

Oh, so Badass Marc has dropped a few rungs down the ladder of coolness. He deliberately crashed the ship here - the "most hostile planet in the universe" - because he had a "hunch" that the Daleks might use it for "secret preparations". And he didn't tell anyone else about this plan that he had. That's - well, that's really dumb, that is, Marc.

Also, the Varga plant (yeah it does sound a bit like 'the Viagra plant' and yeah I do snicker a little bit every time) only grows on planet Skaro, where the Daleks are from. It attacks the brain, gives you an overwhelming desire to kill and then... also turns you into a Varga plant. This show, I swear. Here we have the unconscious dude from the beginning of the episode demonstrating what a human Varga plant looks like.


Heyyy then we cut to some Daleks! They don't really say much of value, only that they've located an alien spacecraft and it needs to be destroyed. But it's nice to know that they're there.

Turns out that Not-So-Badass Marc and Captain Gordon can't fix their ship after all, so they plan to send up a distress beacon and shoot it up into orbit so someone will come rescue them. While they're talking this over, a massive intergalactic spaceship pulls up into a nearby parking spot. Not-So-Badass Marc and Captain Gordon aren't best pleased about this.

To make things worse, they hear weird noises outside, so they grab their distress signal launching pad and sneak out the back door. And wouldn't you know it, Daleks! They completely disintegrate the broken spaceship. Man, they're not too nice, them Daleks, are they?

Not-So-Badass Marc and Captain Gordon make a break for it into the jungle, with Not-So-Badass Marc striding confidently away in the distance. In his hurry to catch up, Captain Gordon gets pricked with a Varga thorn! Shit! He yanks it out and sucks out the poison. I dunno about you but I think that's definitely going to work and he's going to live a long and happy life. Guaranteed.

Okay, so this is kind of cool: the Dalek Supreme is in a conference room with representatives from the Seven Galaxies, one of whom is known as Malpha. They're all gathered around a circular table, and I'm gonna copy you the description of the table as taken from the script.
"The representatives are grouped in the centre of the room around a large circular table, on top of which is a representation of the solar system. The centre of this is a large, bright light representing the Sun. Around it, on the surface of the table, are concentric rings representing the orbits of the planets - the planets themselves each being represented by a light."
How cool does that sound? I'd like you to, for a moment, imagine how amazing that would look if it was filmed today, the table surrounded by seven different types of alien in a massive room.

Now I'm going to show you what it looked like in 1965.

Okay so basically they've all formed this union to go conquer some planets. Malpha is pretty enthusiastic about this.

MALPHA: The seven of us represent the greatest war force ever assembled! Conquest is assured! Mars! Venus! Jupiter! The moon colonies!

Meanwhile, Captain Gordon is not having a great time of it. Like, he starts legitimately sobbing because his hands are turning into cactus plants and Not-Badass-At-All Marc does not even notice. And then in a moment that breaks my heart a little, the formerly-sobbing Captain Gordon gives up the game by assuring Not-Badass Marc that they must kill. Marc, of course, shoots him in the face.

Striving-For-Badassery Marc hurriedly records quite an intense distress message and loads it up to be fired into orbit. Suddenly, Daleks! And - shit! - they shoot Will-Never-Be-Badass-Again Marc before he can fire off the message containing information of the Daleks' plan!

And then that's the END OF THE EPISODE?! Not cool!

Where's my RESOLUTION? This was sold to me as a SINGLE-PART episode and I am outraged. OUTRAGED.

Oh wait, there's another talky part by the dude from the very beginning. This ep was a prequel to an upcoming serial which has twelve parts. TWELVE PARTS. I'll take unfulfilment any day. Jeeeez.



  1. I'm so glad you decided to do this blog. I was always curious as to what classic DW was like. I do not however have the patience you do. It's hilarious. We both have similar sense of humors. How much of the classic Who were you planning on watching? All?

    1. Haha, yep. EVERY LAST EPISODE.

    2. I greatly admire your dedication. I'll be here laughing with you? For you? At you? Well. I'll be laughing.

  2. I can't wait until we get to the second Doctor. OH and his regeneration into the third Doctor...because that looks to be the most batshit weird regeneration ever...