tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-82974554931458200082024-03-05T07:39:57.440+00:00Moosh Watches WhoUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger39125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8297455493145820008.post-73779502336750874622015-03-01T18:50:00.003+00:002015-03-01T18:50:53.239+00:00Updates, etc!Hello! Not sure how many people actually subscribe to this thing via RSS (does anyone use RSS any more? Is that still a thing?) but in case you are one of those people (and I appreciate it if you are! thanks!) then please update your link to www.mooshwatcheswho.com/rss! This clunky old blogspot page will be kept up to date no more, alas.<br />
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The good news is, there is a new post up on the shiny new URL - www.mooshwatcheswho.com - for you to enjoy! Thanks again for sticking around! You're great!<br />
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MooshUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8297455493145820008.post-33520595761506168352014-08-03T10:22:00.003+01:002014-08-03T10:22:30.915+01:00The Gunfighters Part 3/4: Johnny RingoHello hello! We rejoin the gang in the 19th century Wild West. To recap: the Doctor is in jail, because some cowboys thought he was a guy who shot their brother; Dodo is kind of half-kidnapped, half-adopted by the guy who actually shot the cowboys' brother (and also his morally ambiguous singer girlfriend), and Steven has been accosted by the cowboy brothers and is being used as bait to lure the Doctor out of prison.<br />
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The bad-guy cowboys, the Clanton brothers, have gathered up an angry mob who all really dislike Doc Holliday, the guy who they think the Doctor is. They're all milling around outside the jailhouse, and they shout in to the Doctor, the Sheriff and Wyatt Earp (the Marshall/generic good guy) that if they don't send the Doctor out in two minutes, they're going to kill Steven instead. The Doctor, to his credit, is doing his best to try and get out there and talk to the angry mob, but the good-guy cowboys tell him that's a terrible idea. The Doctor calls them 'insufferable' and stands in the corner in a huff.<br />
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So Wyatt Earp sneaks outside and creeps up behind one of the Clanton brothers and knocks him out with a terribly anti-climactic light tap on the head. Once the brother (who I think was Phineas but also I'm pretty sure they're just interchangeable) has fallen dramatically forwards into the crowd, Wyatt Earp says something vaguely heroic and frees Steven from the noose that the mob had put around his neck. The other brothers retaliate with some angry things, but they're interrupted by the little timid barman, Charlie, running up to them. He tells them all that the Doctor, who is still huffing away in his corner in the jailhouse, isn't the real Doc Holliday, because the real Doc Holliday just shot their mate Seth in Charlie's bar. The Clanton brothers are suspicious at first, but Charlie wins them over with a stunning display of logic. </div>
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IKE CLANTON: What makes you think it ain't him?<br />
CHARLIE: Well on account of Doc Holliday just bein' in the bar!<br />
BILLY CLANTON: You're drunk!<br />
CHARLIE: If I'm drunk, your friend Seth Harper's still alive... which he ain't.<br />
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Amazing.<br />
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So the Clanton cowboys head back to the bar (after a little more squaring up to Wyatt Earp) and the good guy cowboys (and Steven) pick up an unconscious Phineas Clanton and lock him in a jail cell. The Doctor, as always, acts like the whole thing was his plan and the others just carried it out wrong. He acts very dismissive of the whole thing and haughtily tells Wyatt Earp that they'll be leaving tomorrow. (Why not right then?? Also can these two grown men please wonder where 16-year-old Dodo is?)<br />
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Ah, never mind: Steven and the Doctor head back to the bar and talk about how Dodo probably spent the evening in her room (probably doing her hair or something, eh lads?), but Charlie the barman, ever-present, overhears and tells them that, unfortunately, Dodo is now best mates with Doc Holliday and Kate, and left with them when Doc Holliday shot Seth. Steven flounders a little, and says that surely Dodo left a message or something. Charlie gently reminds him that if you're involved in murder, you don't tend to linger. <br />
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The Doctor, hilariously, doesn't see a problem with this. The actual line he says:<br />
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DOCTOR: Now don't be ridiculous; Doc Holliday's a great friend of mine. He gave me a gun, he extracted my tooth, good gracious me, what more do you want?! <br />
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Meanwhile, Doc Holliday, Kate and Dodo have ridden to one town over, a place called Richmond, and I... kind of just want Dodo to run away with them and to become a fierce cowboy lady because that would be super cool. Imagine it! She softens Kate's heart and they have a rockin' mother/daughter-but-best-friend kind of relationship, and Doc Holliday teaches her how to shoot and ride a horse and be badass, and they're like a little family of vicious killer outlaws! THAT WOULD BE SO GOOD. But I digress.<br />
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The three of them go into a hotel in Richmond, one town over from Tombstone (where all the rest of the action was happening). Kate is ripping into Doc Holliday a little because she thinks they're not far enough away, but Doc Holliday brushes it off, and tells her that they'll have to go back soon enough. Dodo chimes in and is all, "And I have to go back to my friends!" You're wrong, Dodo, but I appreciate that you're trying. <br />
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The brothers Clanton (the two that aren't in prison, anyway) also meet up with Daddy Clanton back in the saloon and tell him what's going on. Clanton Senior is displeased with his wussy sons, and ominously tells them that he's going to have to hire Johnny Ringo, who I'm sure is a real-life infamous cowboy that I've never heard of, but I don't have the internet connection to look that up right now (later edit: yep). After downing like three shots each, the three of them leave. They probably spent less than a minute in the bar. Cowboys are weird.<br />
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Later that evening (I assume), who should happen to stop by the bar than Johnny Ringo himself! What a coincidence. Charlie the barman kind of fanboys him a little bit and tells him that the Clanton brothers were here looking for him earlier! Johnny Ringo says that he doesn't really care, he's got stuff to do. Charlie ignores the fact that Ringo definitely doesn't want to talk, and tells him that the Clanton brothers are after Doc Holliday, and Johnny Ringo goes all menacing and says that Doc Holliday is his and the Clanton brothers have to STAY AWAY. Charlie pours a drink all over himself from nerves, and stutters about how he can't wait to see Wyatt Earp's face when he hears Johnny Ringo is going after Doc Holliday too. Johnny Ringo apparently feels like Charlie talks too much, because he jokes with him a little, walks away to go upstairs, and then shoots Charlie dead. Oh, Charlie!<br />
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The morning after, the Doctor and Steven come downstairs for breakfast (I still don't understand why they didn't just sleep in the TARDIS but whatever) and are shocked and distressed when they see Charlie still slumped over the bar. Johnny Ringo, who had been lurking ominously in the shadows, springs up and tells them that the only person who would shoot an unarmed barman is definitely Doc Holliday. Steven is all, 'Hey, cool, you know Doc Holliday? Us too!' and Johnny Ringo gets all possessive of Doc Holliday again. The Doctor, for once, seems to actually know what's going on and tries to calm the situation by telling Ringo that they just want their friend back and they're not planning on harming Doc Holliday at all, they just want to reason with him. Johnny Ringo thinks this is pretty funny, and offers to let Steven ride with him.<br />
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JOHNNY RINGO: There's just one thing: if you get between me and him, boy, don't go looking for me to hold my fire. I'd blast you down as soon as spit at you.<br />
STEVEN: ... Thanks.<br />
DOCTOR: Disgusting habit.<br />
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While Steven and the most feared cowboy in all the land (probably) head off to Richmond, the Doctor goes back to the jailhouse to tell Sheriff Masterson and Wyatt Earp what's going down. They sigh wearily a lot, but nonetheless go to try and stop everyone from killing each other in Richmond, leaving Wyatt Earp's little brother in charge.<br />
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Back with the only interesting characters in this thing, Dodo storms into Doc Holliday's hotel room with a cheerful 'Morning! Take me back to my friends today now please." Doc Holliday tells her that he does intend to take her back, but he'll do it on his own time. And then she pulls a gun on him! My dreams of them becoming a cute family of outlaws are becoming a reality! Doc Holliday earns himself a place in my heart by humouring her and agreeing to take her back right away (he later reveals he had a gun himself the whole time), while Kate stays in Richmond.<br />
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After what I can only imagine to be a very quiet and awkward ride, Johnny Ringo and Steven arrive in Richmond too. They decide to split up; Steven heads off and Johnny Ringo goes to explore a saloon but before he can, he catches sight of Kate! And it turns out the two of them used to be a thing! (We know this because there's an annoying song that runs through the entire serial that I don't think I've mentioned. It's the same four lines of music and they just put plot-relevant lyrics to it. Three episodes in and it's getting reeeeally old.)<br />
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So Johnny Ringo catches Kate's arm and makes some vaguely threatening remarks concerning Doc Holliday. Kate tells him that Doc Holliday left her for Dodo as soon as they left Tombstone, and they're both headed to New Mexico. Johnny Ringo frowns and says that in that case, the new plan is the three of them head back to Tombstone. Kate (who I really like, she gets stuff done) demands to know what any of this has to do with her, and Johnny Ringo basically says that if she doesn't get back with him then he's going to kill her. So he's definitely not as good as the other murderous cowboy that Kate hangs out with - at least Doc Holliday RESPECTS HER AUTONOMY.<br />
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Back at the jailhouse where Wyatt Earp's little brother was left in charge, Clanton Brother II (I've given up on names) is still locked up. He's trying to bait Baby Earp, telling him that Wyatt Earp is a bad brother for leaving him behind on his own. Baby Earp says that that's exactly what the other Clantons have done to Clanton II - but then the other Clantons bang through the door! Clanton II smiles smugly.<br />
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The other Clantons demand to know where the keys are. Baby Earp hesitantly tells them that they're on the table. They make him pick the keys up, and Baby Earp tries to go for his gun, but one of the other Clantons shoots him dead before he gets chance! Ahh unlucky, he barely had five minutes of screen time. So they free Clanton II from the jail cell and the annoying song comes in to sing the episode closed!<br />
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One episode left! I'm still holding out for a Doc Holliday/Kate/Dodo kickass outlaw family. It could happen. You don't know.<br />
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MooshUnknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8297455493145820008.post-13975914158883402102014-03-29T16:25:00.002+00:002014-03-29T16:25:34.774+00:00The Gunfighters Part 2/4: Don't Shoot the PianistSo! Steven and Dodo have been forced at gunpoint into their new professions of singer and pianist respectively, and three homicidal brothers and their similarly-homicidal mate are waiting to kill the Doctor, who they think is another guy whose name is Doc Holliday. The Doctor, who just had a tooth forcibly pulled out of his head because he bit into a toffee in slightly the wrong way, is on the way to the saloon where the homicidal cowboys and his musical companions are.<br />
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Also on the way to the saloon, though, is Kate, the singer in the bar and Doc Holiday's girlfriend. She rocks up into the club like something from a Ke$ha song, waves at the Clanton brothers to put their guns away, and demands to know why Steven is singing when that's her job. The barman, Charlie, nervously tells her that the Clanton brothers were just doing a thing, but she dismisses that as foolishness and tells Steven and Dodo to get away from the piano.<br />
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The Wild West seems to have made Dodo stupid, because she protests that she was having fun and doesn't want to stop? Okay never mind about all the guns pointed at you, Dodo. She gives in when Steven tells her to go upstairs, but then when Steven goes to follow her, Kate stops him and tells him (while holding a gun to his stomach) that he'll be playing the piano while <i>she</i> sings. Dodo, determined to be a big idiot this episode, goes off in a huff.<br />
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DODO: Well thank you and goodnight!<br />
STEVEN: Dodo!<br />
DODO: Well it's quite alright Steven, don't mind me! Just have a good time with your new friends!<br />
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So Dodo storms upstairs and Steven rocks it on the keys while Kate dances on the bar. I don't think she has any motive other than getting her groove on, because when the song has finished, the Doctor walks in, applauding, and tells Steven and Kate what a great little duo they make.<br />
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Seth Harper goes up to him and makes vaguely threatening remarks without straight up saying 'Yo we're going to shoot you dead, Doc Holliday,' and the Doctor seems to think that this is just how humans are pleasant to one another and happily asks Seth to get him a glass of milk, and also if he'd introduce the Doctor to the three cowboy dudes looming around him. Seth tells the Doctor that the cowboy dudes are actually the Clanton brothers, and the Doctor finally seems to realise that maybe he fucked up a little.<br />
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He still doesn't figure out the silly Doctor/Doc Holliday thing for another few minutes, and when he finally gets it and tells the Clanton brothers (and Seth) that they have the wrong Doctor, none of them believe him. Kate, weirdly, simultaneously tells the Clanton brothers that the Doctor IS Doc Holliday, and also helps the Doctor by lining all the Clantons (and Seth) up against the piano and taking their guns. Still not sure whose side she's on. Also, during this kerfuffle, Dodo comes out of her room to see what all the noise is, and the real Doc Holliday sneaks up the stairs, points a gun at her, and takes her back into her room. I'm displeased with where this could go.<br />
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Back downstairs, Sheriff Masterson and Good Guy Wyatt Earp have walked in. The Sheriff doesn't have a clue what's happening so just confiscates everyone's guns to make himself feel better - Wyatt Earp seems to be the only one who understands the situation (I think?) and tells the Doctor he's going to have to arrest him, and they leave the saloon. <br />
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When they reach the jail, they put the Doctor in the cell and Wyatt Earp fills the Sheriff in on everything. They both seem to think the Doctor is a good guy, but refuse to let him out of the cell for his own safety because most of the town thinks he's some crazy killer cowboy dude.<br />
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Back upstairs at the Last Chance Saloon, Doc Holliday has locked himself in a room with Dodo, but thankfully doesn't seem to have any sinister motives towards her because he's just ignoring her, occasionally telling her to chill out when she asks what the deal is. Kate of the Ambiguous Morals joins them and is similarly dismissive when Dodo tries to find out what's going on. Doc Holliday's solution is to... play cards with them? And then he really, really wants a drink so he sneaks past the murderous brothers downstairs to go back to his office at the dental surgery to fetch a bottle of whiskey, leaving Dodo with Kate.<br />
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Wyatt Earp, still apparently the only character who makes sense, is waiting for him there. They have a big old chat, and Wyatt Earp tells him to leave the town Or Else. The conversation lasts about three minutes, but that's the gist of it. Meanwhile, Steven has been left at the bar with the Clantons, and somehow they're convincing him to break into the jail where the Doctor is being kept? And Steven is responding in a way that could either be super sarcastic or just pretty thick, so I don't really know whether he's buying it.<br />
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IKE: You take this gun up to the Jailhouse and slip it through the cell window to Holliday.<br />BILLY: And he says, "Open the door or I'll shoot!"<br />STEVEN: Uh-huh. And where do you guys come in?<br />IKE: We wait outside the Jailhouse in case anything goes wrong.<br />PHINEAS: Yeah, so we can prevent a miscarriage of justice!<br />BILLY: To welcome him back to society.<br />STEVEN: Oh! Not to gun him down?<br />IKE: Why would we do a thing like that? You say he ain't Holliday - okay, he's got nothin' to fear! What do ya say?<br />STEVEN: It sounds like a pretty foolproof idea!<br />
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Either way, Steven heads out of the saloon and one of the Clanton brothers (Phineas) follows him.<br />
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Back upstairs, and in a stunning nod to the Bechadel test, Dodo is doing Kate's hair and they're talking about boys. Kate is saying how she wants to marry Doc Holliday and she thinks maybe he's going to settle down after his life of crime. Before Dodo can chime in with how cute she thinks cowboys are, Doc Holliday walks in and tells Kate to pack a bag because they're leaving town, as per Wyatt Earp's instructions. <br />
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Dodo is all, "Hey yo dudes where do I fit into your plan of running away into the night, being your captive and all?" and before Doc Holliday can give her a good answer, Kate looks out of the window and sees a BLOODTHIRSTY MOB that the Clanton brothers seem to have gathered in the last few minutes, with Steven (who Phineas grabbed and brought back) tied up on a horse as some kind of bait for the Doctor.<br />
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DODO: They've got Steven!<br />
DOC HOLLIDAY: They've got my operating chair! Wait here!<br />
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So Doc Holliday goes downstairs while Kate shouts after him. Seth Harper is hanging back in the saloon for one last drink before he joins the crazy mob party, and hears Kate call Doc Holliday 'Doc'. He does a double-take, and asks Doc Holliday if he's the real actual Doc Holliday. Doc Holliday says, yup, that's him, and shoots Seth dead. Charlie, the timid barman, is a mess by this point.<br />
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Kate and Dodo run downstairs after hearing the shot and Doc Holliday tells Kate to run and saddle up three horses, cos they have to get out of town ASAP and they're taking Dodo with them. For some reason.<br />
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The mob finally arrives at the jailhouse where the Doctor is being held. Sheriff Masterson and Wyatt Earp are there, and open the Doctor's cell so he can peer out of the door with them. Ike Clanton shouts in that if they don't send the Doctor out in two minutes, then they're going to kill Steven. What a gosh-darned tricky situation.<br />
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This episode was a tough one to get through, which is why it's taken so long to get this post up. This serial is rocking a 5/10 at the moment, but we'll see how it goes. Two more episodes left! Catch ya later, partners.<br />
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MooshUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8297455493145820008.post-46131215803476342602014-01-26T23:39:00.002+00:002014-02-03T16:46:40.525+00:00The Gunfighters Part 1/4: A Holiday For The DoctorA new serial! Can you imagine! By the title this seems like it's going to be another one of those episodes where the Doctor just wanders off on his own and we don't see him for a few episodes. No wonder the show is called Doctor Who - I can barely remember who he is. Haha no but seriously jokes on Doctor Who where the punchline is 'Doctor Who?' are the worst thing in the world and they make me want to vomit up everything I've ever eaten in my whole life. Let's move on.<br />
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The episode begins with a shot from under a wagon of a traditional western set-up: dusty road, saloon entrance, rocks. And there are horses! Actual real-life horses being ridden by three dudes, one of whom shoots a sign with his real-life cowboy gun. One of the other dudes tells him off, saying he should 'save his bullets for Holliday,' so maybe the title is a clever wordplay! That'd be nice.<br />
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The three of them are speaking in absolutely atrocious southern American accents, and I think they're brothers. The youngest (who shot the sign) is Billy, the middle one is Phineas and the oldest one (who told Billy off) is Ike. They used to have another brother called Reuben, but this Holliday guy shot him? I think. They're all on their way to meet a guy called Seth. <br />
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PHINEAS: Where do we all meet up with Seth?<br />
IKE: The Last Chance Saloon.<br />
BILLY: Why do we need Seth Harper?<br />
PHINEAS: Oh, Pa’s paying him, and Pa wants us to work along with him.<br />
BILLY: Mate you're quite obviously a middle-class English dude, I don't know who you're even trying to fool.<br />
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The three of them go inside the saloon, and the TARDIS appears inside a barn on the other side of the square. Remember how at the end of last episode, the Doctor ate a toffee that Dodo got from one of the baddies of the episode, and then he doubled over in pain and it was all very dramatic? Yeah, basically all that happened is he got a toothache, and they don't have any painkillers. They landed because the Doctor says they need to find a dentist because he'll definitely have to have the tooth extracted! What a drama queen, jeez.<br />
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While the Doctor is sitting on a nearby barrel whinging about how much pain he's in, Steven and Dodo realise that they're in the good ol' Wild West and get, like, weirdly excited about it. They both ignore the Doctor entirely and run back into the TARDIS so they can find clothes that'll help them blend in cos they want to EXPLORE. They come back out again, really pleased with themselves (Dodo puts a cowboy hat on the Doctor's head), looking like a pantomime version of Woody and Jessie from Toy Story.<br />
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While Steven and Dodo are dicking about with cowboy stuff, another terribly-accented local appears! He seems fairly displeased that these English weirdos are hanging out in his barn, and brandishes his big old cowboy gun at them. His name is Wyatt Earp and Dodo is really pleased to meet him - I just Googled his name and he's a real person that really existed, so that's why she was so happy. I swear, I haven't known about most of these big historical figures/events in Old Who so far. I feel like an uneducated loser but at least I'm learning, right?<br />
<br />
Back in the saloon, Billy, Ike and Phineas meet up with Seth, who is another cowboy, but seems friendlier than the three brothers. The four of them are planning to kill this Holliday dude, and also getting steadily more drunk. The bar's singer, Kate, overhears their conversation and sidles out the door to find Doc Holiday, who has set up a dentistal surgery nearby? She tells him that there are four dudes in the saloon who are planning to kill him. He is displeased.<br />
<br />
DOC HOLLIDAY: Who are these men anyway?<br />
KATE: Well there's a guy called Seth Harper, then there's three brothers by the name of Clanton.<br />
DOC HOLLIDAY: Clanton?! You kill a guy out of sheer professional ethics, and then you've got three of his brothers chasin' after you. That makes me real angry!<br />
<br />
'Professional ethics'? I don't know about you, but my psycho bells are ringing here. While Kate and Doc Holliday are arguing, ANOTHER cowboy, whose name is Masterson, walks up to them. Oh, and he's the Sheriff! He's basically there to warn Doc Holliday off from shooting people. Holliday promises to be good and walks away holding hands with Kate.<br />
<br />
Man, all these characters are getting confusing so here's a cowboy round-up so far:<br />
<ul>
<li>Doc Holliday - ex-shooty cowboy. Killed a guy called Reuben and is now into dentistry</li>
<li>Masterson - Sheriff </li>
<li>Ike, Phineas and Billy Clanton - shooty cowboys and brothers of Reuben, want to kill Doc Holliday</li>
<li>Seth Harper - plotting to kill Doc Holliday with the Clantons</li>
<li>Wyatt Earp - taking the Doctor, Steven and Dodo to the Sheriff's office, object of Dodo's fangirl affections</li>
<li>Kate - bar singer and girlfriend of Doc Holliday</li>
<li>Steven, Dodo and the Doctor - definitely not cowboys </li>
</ul>
<br />
Speaking of Steven, Dodo and the Doctor, they enter stage right and the Doctor happily introduces them as a band of travelling musicians (there's a point where he says '... and I'm the Doctor,' and Masterson says 'Doctor Who?' like urgh what did I JUST SAY IN THE INTRO TO THIS VERY POST). The Sheriff then essentially tells them to piss right off because there's no room for happiness and music in Tombstone, Arizona, and the Doctor tells him that it's all cool! They're not actually here to perform, he's just here for - gasp! - a dentist!<br />
<br />
So, in a wonderfully-executed turn of events, Steven and Dodo go to find a hotel and the Doctor heads towards the surgery of the dude who is a target for a big old cowboy assassination. The logic of going to a dentist in 1881 rather than getting back in the TARDIS until they landed in a place with more advanced medical technology is a little lost on me, but there it is. <br />
<br />
So the Doctor rocks into the dentist's and walks in on Doc Holliday and Kate doing some pretty serious kissing. Doc Holliday jumps up, threatens the Doctor with a gun and demands to know what he wants; the Doctor timidly says that he has a toothache, but he should probably leave, actually. BUT NO Doc Holliday and Kate happily usher him into the dental chair and tell him that (a) he's their first ever customer, (b) that Kate can't stay and watch because she faints at the sight of blood, (c) they have no idea what anaesthetic is but Doc Holliday will hit the Doctor over the head with his gun if it'll help ease the pain and also (d) Doc Holliday takes a big old swig of booze before he operates. And the Doctor still just sits there and opens his mouth. Wow. Although to be fair he doesn't seem overly pleased about it.<br />
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Back in the Last Chance Saloon, the three brothers are getting a bit stir-crazy. Billy (little brother) shoots a bottle behind the bar, possibly because Billy is a bit of a knob. Right after that, Steven and Dodo walk in, continuing the theme of the TARDIS gang being really dumb about putting themselves in dangerous situations because they would have definitely heard that gunshot. They book the rooms they want for the night (even though the TARDIS is literally round the corner and there are definitely beds?) and in doing so have to sign a register with their names and occupations - when the barman notices that they're apparently musicians, he offers them a job! They turn it down, thankfully, and head off upstairs to their rooms.<br />
<br />
Buuuuut the Clanton brothers and their mate Seth overheard the conversation and assume that Steven and Dodo are in league with Doc Holliday - partially because Steven is apparently carrying six guns as part of his cowboy outfit, the massive dork, but also because they mention 'the Doctor' and 2+2=5. So, Phineas goes upstairs to fetch Steven down again, and Seth heads out to bring Doc Holliday to the saloon.<br />
<br />
Seth's never actually seen Doc Holliday before, so when he gets to the dental surgery and sees the Doctor in the room alone, post-extraction, he assumes he's found his guy.<br />
<br />
SETH: Doc!<br />
DOCTOR: Yes, what? What is it?<br />
SETH: Holliday?<br />
DOCTOR: Holiday? I suppose so. Yes, you could call it that. <br />
<br />
Brilliant. Seth casually invites the 'Doc' over to the saloon and then swaggers out again; the real Doc Holliday, who has been listening, swans back in and encourages the Doctor to head over there right away! First, though, he should take a GUN with him. Just to be safe. Kate straps a gun belt on him and Doc Holliday lends him a gun, absolutely coincidentally with DOC HOLLIDAY engraved on the side. The Doctor, oblivious as always, happily takes it, thanks both of them and heads out the door to go to the saloon. I don't know what he's expecting to happen.<br />
<br />
Meanwhile, Steven and Dodo have been brought downstairs again and are being heavily encouraged to sing. And by 'heavily encouraged' I mean, like, threatened with guns. And, to be fair, Dodo sits down and plays the piano like a PRO while Steven sings 'The Ballad of the Last Chance Saloon' - he somehow knows the tune already. The three brothers all sit around them with their guns still pointing at them so they just have to keep going - I'm not entirely sure if they understand that the Doctor is about to walk in and get shot, but even if they did, there isn't that much they can do about it.<br />
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And that's the end! I gotta admit - I wasn't expecting to enjoy this one very much, but it's okay so far! I do love a good case of mistaken identity, and it's written quite well here. See you soon for part two!<br />
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MooshUnknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8297455493145820008.post-68719717115591089062014-01-12T19:10:00.002+00:002014-02-03T18:01:10.309+00:00The Celestial Toymaker Part 4/4: The Final TestHELLO FRIENDS and welcome to the final post in the Celestial Toymaker serial. It's been over a year since we had anything different so kudos for sticking around so long. In previous episodes we saw the Doctor separated from his companions and forced to do a massive version of <a href="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/0/07/Tower_of_Hanoi.jpeg"><span id="goog_426962640"></span>one of those little puzzles involving moving wooden things from one pole to another</a><span id="goog_426962641"></span>. Steven and Dodo have to complete a series of their own puzzles before the Doctor finishes his, otherwise the Toymaker (who is maybe the ruler of the kingdom? with magic powers?) will keep them there forever. Steven and Dodo have just stumbled upon the beginning of their next test, which is something to do with this guy called Cyril and/or Billy who has so far been the Jack of Hearts and a kitchen boy? I have no idea what's happening. The riddle they have to help them through this next puzzle is <i>"Lady Luck will show the way, win the game or here you'll stay."</i><br />
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So! Cyril cheerfully leads Steven and Dodo to their next game: TARDIS HOPSCOTCH.<br />
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Not actually as fun as it sounds - basically there are three dice and they each take one and roll it. Then they move forward the number that they rolled and the first to 14 wins. If they step on the floor between the little triangle stepping-stones then they get electrocuted, and if they land on the same stone that another player is on then the first player gets sent back to the beginning. Bit like Frustration. <br />
<br />
Aaaaanyhow they all play for a while - Cyril keeps messing with them, trying to make them fall off and go back to the start for moving from their stones. Steven eventually gets annoyed with this and tries to just walk across the stones to the TARDIS, but the Toymaker appears with his unexplained teleportation powers and is all dumb and mysterious again, and tells them that there's an invisible wall that can only be passed if you're playing the game by the proper rules, so. Steven has to go back to the start again. <br />
<br />
The game all culminates with Cyril pretending to be hurt so Dodo will go to help him, then she has to miss a turn cos she moves from her stone. Cyril then rolls the winning number but when he rushes to the end he slips on some trick powder he left on one of the stones and falls off onto the floor and gets all electrocuted and that.<br />
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And hey, the Doctor's back being all visible and able to speak and stuff again! He's right back to acting like he planned this whole thing out, the smug bastard. I love him. He gets his puzzle to the penultimate move and then just walks out, all casual. The Toymaker, despite being seemingly all-powerful, doesn't do anything to stop him.<br />
<br />
CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: Make the last move, Doctor.<br />
THE DOCTOR: No! Not yet. I see Steven and Dodo have found the TARDIS. Wonderful trick! And your little trick is broken. I am now visible!<br />
CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: You are, indeed, Doctor. Well done. The three of you have won your little game.<br />
THE DOCTOR: I am glad you take it so calmly. Well, now if you will excuse me, I will go and see if the TARDIS is all right. Peace out motherfucker.<br />
<br />
So the Doctor goes and finds Steven and Dodo and the TARDIS (which, conveniently, was actually the real one that time) and the three of them bro-hug it out, but it turns out the Toymaker has done "something" to the TARDIS so it won't go anywhere until the Doctor has finished his last move. But, once the Doctor does win the game, the whole world of the Toymaker will disappear, all of the Doctor's crew with it. <br />
<br />
Oh, and here we get some explanation about the Toymaker himself!<br />
<br />
STEVEN: Why doesn't he just let us go? He can't want to be destroyed.<br />
THE DOCTOR: Well, he won't be.<br />
DODO: But if everything disappears, why not him?<br />
THE DOCTOR: If the Toymaker loses the game, his world will vanish, but he has the power to build a new one.<br />
DODO: How?<br />
THE DOCTOR: The Toymaker is immortal. He's lasted for thousands of years. Very occasionally, of course, he loses a game, and then he has to pay the price.<br />
STEVEN: And that price is the loss of his world?<br />
THE DOCTOR: Yes, but, ah, he himself is not destroyed. He goes on forever.<br />
<br />
Clears up literally nothing.<br />
<br />
Oh, but the way they get out of it is good! The Toymaker refuses to allow them to finish the game inside the TARDIS because then they'll be able to dematerialise at the exact moment the Toymaker's world is destroyed so they'll escape (and Steven offers to go out there and sacrifice himself, the adorable munchkin, but the Doctor refuses) - but throughout the serial, the Toymaker has been using voice controls to speed up the Doctor's game. The Doctor just goes to the door of the TARDIS and does an impression of the Toymaker saying, "Go from move 1023!" (the final move) and then flies the TARDIS away as the Toymaker gets blown up! Schweeeeet.<br />
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The gang, all safely holed up in the TARDIS, have a celebratory powwow where they talk about all the great things each of them did. Dodo breaks out a bag of Werther's Originals that she got from Cyril - Steven, back on form, says that he thinks they probably shouldn't eat them because Cyril was a minion of the Toymaker, but the Doctor cheerfully eats one and then CRIES OUT IN PAIN WHAAAT.<br />
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The next serial is The Gunslingers, wherein all the characters wear cowboy outfits (and yes, the Doctor does wear a Stetson), so I'll meet you back here for that one in a week or so. Hah. Have a good morningafternoonevening!<br />
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MooshUnknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8297455493145820008.post-42272773832313076602013-11-28T15:24:00.001+00:002014-02-03T18:26:58.826+00:00The Celestial Toymaker Part 3/4: The Dancing FloorOhhhh boy so I watched <a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/p01kqt9x/An_Adventure_in_Space_and_Time/">An Adventure in Space and Time</a>, the special about Hartnell the BBC did as part of the 50th anniversary celebrations. I think I love Hartnell now. I take back everything bad I ever said about him. I love him a lot and I highly recommend you check out the special if you can. Gosh. Hartnell. Anyway.<br />
<br />
The last episode ended with the Toymaker giving Steven and Dodo the following riddle:<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>"Hunt the key to fit the door </i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>that leads out on the dancing floor; </i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Then escape the rhythmic beat, </i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>or you'll forever tap your
feet."</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
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So I guess this episode is a dance-off? I mean yeah I'm eager to see what this is going to turn out to be so let's get to it. <br />
<br />
Steven and Dodo are in the tunnel that was through the door of the fake TARDIS. They eventually come to a big old door that doesn't have a lock or a handle or anything. Steven is, again, surprised that the Toymaker isn't giving them an easy ride. Dodo, again showing that she's a great deal more astute than a fully-grown man, notices that the dolls from the locked cupboard in the last episode are following them, blocking the way out.<br />
<br />
Both being a little concerned about this, they attempt to avert the situation. Dodo tries just telling them to go back to their cupboard but that, surprisingly, doesn't work. Steven, like a big old loser, starts squaring up to them, but before he can get into a fight with the reanimated corpses, the door behind them opens. So that's convenient. <br />
<br />
Through the door is a kitchen with two people in it - Mrs Wiggs, a Cockney Mrs Weasley sort of figure, and Sergeant Rugg, an old-school army general with a moustache. Dodo is again entirely unsuspicious of them and happily catches them up on the entire plot. Steven apparently feels his masculinity is being threatened by the Sergeant and is just kind of a dick to him. <br />
<br />
SGT RUGG: All right, young fellow me lad, no loitering! Pick your feet up then! Hup two three four, hup two three four--<br />
STEVEN: Why don't you go back to your box?<br />
SGT RUGG: What's that? Why, you young whipper snapper, I'll...<br />
STEVEN: You'll what?<br />
SGT RUGG: Well, I'll... well, you need a good hiding, m'lad!<br />
STEVEN: Hah, and who's going to give it to me?<br />
<br />
Actually, he's either being a dick or flirting. I can never tell.<br />
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While Steven and the Sergeant have been entertaining themselves with their little pissing contest, Dodo has been talking with Mrs Wiggs and trying to advance the plot a little. She recites the riddle, and Mrs Wiggs says that she knows a dancefloor through the other door in the room, which is locked. Steven, channelling his inner dickwad again, goes over and kicks the door when he finds out it's not already open. Mrs Wiggs and the sergeant are both looking on in confusion and gently remind them of the riddle that Dodo literally just recited in full. Even with this prompt, both of them seem confused until Mrs Wiggs literally has to say 'HUNT THE KEY TO FIT THE DOOR'. Gosh. <br />
<br />
Meanwhile, back with old Toymaker, the Doctor has just stopped playing - presumably cos of the caveat where if Steven and Dodo are still playing while the Doctor finishes, they'll all be stuck there forever. This seems like a silly rule to me cos Steven and Dodo's games seem to be pretty infinite, but whatever. The Toymaker gets annoyed and accelerates the Doctor's puzzle by a few hundred steps.<br />
<br />
Back in the kitchen, Steven and Dodo are hunting around for the key and making a big old mess. Dodo charms the sergeant into helping them, and Mrs Wiggs is getting annoyed at them all for destroying her kitchen. Sergeant Rugg breaks a couple of plates and then the two of them just have a big brawl - throwing stuff at each other and shouting - while Steven and Dodo awkwardly stand at the side. <br />
<br />
While all this is going on, Steven and Dodo notice a kitchen boy in the corner trying to sneak off, and they remark how similar he looks to the Jack of Hearts, whose name was Cyril. Steven storms over and demands to know where the key is; Cyril hands him a jar. While Steven is smashing up the jar to see if the key is inside, Cyril just... goes and locks himself in the pantry and we don't see him again this scene. So. Great.<br />
<br />
The key, it turns out, was inside this pie that Mrs Wiggs had just baked. Dodo is obviously the one who figured it out and forcibly pushed Steven through the door before he could get angry at something dumb again. Through the door is the 'dance floor', or the best the prop department could do at the time.<br />
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Steven, again being weirdly idiotic this episode, sees the TARDIS and is once again convinced that it's definitely not a fake. What's WRONG with you today, Steven baby? He steps out onto the dancefloor and immediately gets his groove on - being on the dancefloor forces you to dance, I guess? The three dolls on the thing partner up with Steven in turn and keep moving him away from the TARDIS. Steven is mainly concerned that the lady dolls are in control of the dance.<br />
<br />
DODO: Can't you dance down to it Steven?<br />
STEVEN: I can't lead! I'm just being carried 'round and 'round!<br />
<br />
Bless. And then Sergeant Rugg and Mrs Wiggs appear! They've had a meeting with the Toymaker and have been instructed to reach "that big cupboard" before Steven and Dodo do, so Mrs Wiggs joins in with the dancing while the Sergeant tries to reach the TARDIS. Dodo also gets on the dancefloor, for some reason, and is also swept up with the groovin' fever, and also then the Sergeant too. There's a right old party going on, man. The Toymaker's crib is where it's AT.<br />
<br />
There's a complicated thing that happens where whenever a new person steps on the dancefloor, the music changes and the three dolls switch partners to dance with someone else, so eventually Steven ends up dancing on his own and manages to somehow get Dodo and dance them towards the TARDIS? I can't really make sense of it, cos this is a reconstructed episode so there's no footage, but basically yeah they escape and go through the door of the TARDIS. Hooray. <br />
<br />
To nobody's surprise but Steven and Dodo's, it's not the real TARDIS. It's just a box with an arrow on one of the walls and a sign saying 'Start here'. There's also another riddle, shorter this time: <i>"Lady Luck will show the way, win the game or here you'll stay."</i> Once they've read it, the wall descends to reveal yet another mysterious corridor. They start to walk down it and bump into Cyril again! Brilliant! Cyril pulls a few pranks on them - shakes Steven's hand and gives him an electric shock - and also says that his name is Cyril but his friends call him Billy, and their next game will be played against him. What a weird character, man. Billy/Cyril does an ominous little giggle, and then the episode ends!<br />
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One more Toymaker episode left! I wonder if we'll get any explanation as to where they are or who the Toymaker is or how he knows the Doctor. I'm guessing not, but I live in hope.</div>
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I hope you are all well and happy. Watch Adventure in Space and Time if you have a spare hour and a bit. It's worth it.</div>
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Moosh </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8297455493145820008.post-63610207092882898562013-11-17T17:19:00.000+00:002014-02-03T17:57:37.191+00:00The Celestial Toymaker Part 2/4: The Hall of DollsHello friends. We rejoin the travellers in the domain of the Celestial Toymaker. This is an unknown planet and time (possibly also universe), but is basically made up of a few rooms and this dude with magical powers. So.<br />
<br />
Magical Dude - the Toymaker - has shown that he can make people invisible, intangible, and can also turn dolls into people and vice-versa. And he can teleport. Pretty sure there are just no rules of physics in 1966 and I am okay with that.<br />
<br />
The Doctor has been separated from Steven and Dodo - he's mainly hanging with the Toymaker, who is making him solve puzzles for a laugh. Steven and Dodo have also been subject to the Celestial Toymaker's whimsy - their challenge is to win a bunch of games before the Doctor can solve all of his puzzles. Last episode they were given an obstacle course to navigate while wearing blindfolds; their 'opposing team' was two clown dolls-turned-human, who lost. The prize for winning a game is a TARDIS - maybe fake, maybe real - and the potential of sweet, sweet freedom. The prize for winning their last game was a fake TARDIS and the following riddle:<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>"Four legs, no feet, </i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>of arms no lack,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>it carries no burden on its back. </i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Six deadly sisters,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>seven for choice,</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>call the servants without voice."</i></div>
<br />
What d'you reckon then guys? A chair? Table? An epic journey over mountains? Let's head on in to episode seven part two and find out.<br />
<br />
Okay, well, I'm already annoyed. At the back of the fake TARDIS, there's a door with loads of locks and bolts on it. Steven and Dodo undo them all and try to push the door open but it won't move. They're both really confused and frustrated, but then Dodo says, and this is a direct quote, "I know, let's pull it instead." And then it FUCKING OPENS. How did you not try to - I don't understand why - urgh.<br />
<br />
Through the bewildering door is some kind of medieval throne room with four thrones with weird carvings on them. When the Doctor sees this on the Toymaker CCTV system, he grabs the intercom with his single hand and tries to warn Steven and Dodo about it, but again the Celestial Toymaker stops him before he can say anything interesting. For punishment, he makes the Doctor mute as well as almost entirely intangible, so all he is now is literally just a Time Lord hand. Which, as we've seen from Russell T Davies's reign, can actually be quite useful, so we'll see how that goes.<br />
<br />
The Toymaker, mulling over how Steven and Dodo defeated the clown dolls, decides to send out some new creepy inanimate objects made human - a pair of playing cards. Specifically, the King and Queen of Hearts.<br />
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Mr and Mrs Playing Card seem to be looking for a throne, but reject the few chairs in the room. Steven suggests that he and Dodo just completely ignore them because they're obviously meant to be a distraction, so he and Dodo wander off. While they're in the next room over, the King and Queen of Hearts are joined by the Jack of Hearts (whose name is, inexplicably, 'Cyril') and a Joker.<br />
<br />
Meanwhile, Steven and Dodo find four more thrones in the next room, so figure the riddle probably meant them. (Chairs! Nailed it.) Their weird interpretation of the Toymaker's riddle is that six of the thrones are dangerous, and they have to find the one that's okay. To do this, they conclude, they have to use seven human-sized dolls (basically corpses) that they found in a couple of cupboards. Dodo recites the end of the riddle ("<i>Six deadly sisters, seven for choice, call the servants without voice</i>") and points out that it still doesn't make sense, but Steven ignores her.<br />
<br />
While they're figuring this system out, the King and Queen sneak up behind them. Dodo is weirdly happy to see them and just explains the entire plot to them. And then she makes fun of them for being playing cards, which the Queen objects to, and tries to prove that they're actual real humans by getting Dodo to grope her husband. Dodo is pleased and tries to get Steven to join in with the groping fun. Uncharacteristically, Steven refuses.<br />
<br />
QUEEN: Henry, let this wretched child feel your arm.<br />
KING: ... Feel my arm?<br />
QUEEN: There, child. Isn't that an arm? Not much of one, I grant you, but nevertheless, a real arm.<br />
DODO: It is! Steven, these are real people. Feel his arm!<br />
STEVEN: No, I'll take your word for it.<br />
<br />
Maybe he just doesn't like having an audience, idk. <br />
<br />
Queenie tells them that the Heart family are victims of the Celestial Toymaker just like Steven, Dodo and the Doctor are. To that end, she insists, they should share the dolls to test the thrones individually. They argue about this for a while, before Steven gives in and says he and Dodo will take their dolls to the next room and they'll try the thrones out separately cos he still doesn't trust them. So they clear off again, and the King picks a chair at random by being WOAH HELLO far too racist for the BBC surely?! That's. Gosh. I won't repeat the exact dialogue but it involves the rhyme 'eenie meenie minie mo' and a certain very offensive racial slur that I will definitely not have on this blog. So that happened. Three cheers for 1966.<br />
<br />
The King puts the doll/corpse in the chair that his horrific racism chose at random. As soon as he does, clamps come out of the arms and hold the doll down, then it starts to shake so violently that the doll's head just... falls off. So that's not the one they want. They try a second, and it makes the doll disappear. Meanwhile in the other room, the chair that Dodo chooses electrocutes the doll until it's all frazzled and burnt, and Steven's one has a saw in the back that cuts the doll into two, so that's 4/7 chairs down, leaving chairs 2, 5 and 6 untested.<br />
<br />
But, shock horror, the cupboard that contained the last three dolls is locked! The King and Queen decide they're going to try and make the joker sit on one of the chairs that they've left untested, and Dodo bites the bullet and sits in another one while no one else is looking. It doesn't go well for her. She's frozen in place - like, literally, she can't move but also she's getting all cold and that. Steven tries to reach her but there's an invisible barrier surrounding the chair? But also he just breaks through eventually because he tried really hard?<br />
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Basically she ends up being fine and they rule out chair number 2 for being a freezy shit, and they go to rejoin the King and Queen in the other room.<br />
<br />
Unsurprisingly, the Joker refused to try out any of the chairs and stormed off, and the Jack of Hearts followed him. The King and Queen eventually decide that the only solution is to try one together! Awww they don't call them the Heart family for nothin'! But yeah no they pick the wrong one and it explodes on them and they die. So.<br />
<br />
Steven and Dodo walk in just after it happens; Dodo is all like, 'Oh man we should try to help them!' and Steven basically tells her to shut up because this means they've won! Oh, Steven come on, honey, you're better than that. He sits in the right chair and a TARDIS appears - both Steven and Dodo seem shocked when it turns out to be a fake one. Its phone rings and Steven answers it - it's the Toymaker, giving them another riddle:<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>"Hunt the key to fit the door </i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>that leads out on the dancing floor; </i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Then escape the rhythmic beat, </i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>or you'll forever tap your
feet."</i></div>
<br />
Dodo again points out that they never solved the other one ("<i>call the servants without voice</i>") but they shrug it off and head through the fake TARDIS to the next game. Behind them, the extra three dolls/reanimated corpses from the locked cupboard emerge and start to follow them. Dun dun dunnnn.<br />
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That's the end! The 50th anniversary inspired me to pick this up again but I won't make any promises as to when I'll see you again because my track record is against me. I hope you are well and happy! Let's hope Moffat doesn't mess the special up on Saturday, if I don't see you before then!<br />
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MooshUnknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8297455493145820008.post-19918345094168370182013-07-01T00:41:00.001+01:002014-02-03T17:51:28.841+00:00The Celestial Toymaker Part 1/4: The Celestial ToyroomHah, so everyone knew that National Who Watching Month included a seven-month break, right? That was implied in the name, I'm pretty sure. (I am so ashamed.)<br />
<br />
Gonna do a cheeky re-introduction to the action since it's been so long.<br />
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Currently aboard the TARDIS we have:<br />
<ul>
<li>THE DOCTOR in his first incarnation. He's pretty useless. Often he'll just wander off on his own for hours at a time while the companions sort his shit out, and then he'll come back and act like it was part of his plan all along. I'm not a huuuuuge fan, but he's okay. Endearing in a doddering-old-fool kind of way. You'd have him over for Christmas but avoid him most of the rest of the year.</li>
<li>STEVEN, human male (potentially in his late twenties?) from the 23rd century. While I'm pretty sure his character wasn't intentionally written that way, Steven basically has sexual chemistry with everything. It's great and I love him. He's been kicking around in the TARDIS for ages, and likes to call the Doctor out on his bullshit, which I appreciate.</li>
<li>DODO, Northern human female from the 20th century. She's kind of annoying, but she's only been around for one serial (four episodes), so my feelings for her remain mostly undecided. She's also overconfident and cocky, despite being, like, 16, but is decent-hearted enough, I suppose. Idk. I don't really like her but also I'm reluctant to pass judgement so early in her run. We'll see how she goes.</li>
</ul>
The three brave adventurers have just skipped away from the year 5 billion, where they frolicked about with humans, giant lizards, and some invisible people, and they're safely locked inside the TARDIS (which, as a reminder, they can't steer at all; it goes wherever it wants to). However, in a crazy plot twist, the Doctor dun did a sneeze and disappeared! But he's still there! But he's invisible! Dodo wondered whether this crazy new development was due to the invisible guys they met on the last planet they landed on, but the Doctor tells her that, nope, this definitely means that they're all under attack. Sweet.<br />
<br />
Since this is a recap I should also reiterate that the footage from most of these episodes was destroyed in some BBC fire/purge/crazy house party thing, so often when you're watching these early serials, the only thing remaining is the audio and a few still images. This is one such episode, which is fine, but because this is also an episode with invisible characters, the still images are just, like. Pictures of chairs. <br />
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But moving on with plot: Dodo suggests that, if they're under attack, maybe they should just haul ass out of there. The Doctor says no, and he cites three reasons for this:<br />
<ul>
<li>The scanner is blank, but it's not broken, because when it's broken it's "not as clear" as the current blankness, so this is part of the attack!</li>
<li>If they dematerialise then it might be worse than if they don't. He doesn't explain this point further.</li>
<li>Not only is the Doctor invisible, but also he is intangible, so he can't move the switches or anything. Steven suggests that the Doctor tell them which switches to move and they'll do it for him, but the Doctor adamantly refuses this. Again for no explained reason.</li>
</ul>
Poor show there, Doctor. 0/3 points scored for logic once again.<br />
<br />
Elsewhere, a dude dressed in what I think is traditional Chinese(?) robes is being all creepy. He takes two clown dolls from his huge stash of toys (I'm assuming this is the Toymaker that the title of the serial refers to) and uses a magic ring to grow them to human size. He then instructs the creepy humantoys to show Steven and Dodo some 'tricks'. So. That could be anything, really, couldn't it.<br />
<br />
Back inside the TARDIS, the Doctor has reappeared! Dodo is most relieved and asks whether this means that they can go to somewhere less creepy now please. The Doctor, striding out of the TARDIS, says that no! He was MEANT to come here! Dodo is hilariously unimpressed with this bullshit.<br />
<br />
STEVEN: What's this extraordinary place?<br />
DOCTOR: Well, I'm not quite sure, dear boy, but it's, ah, it's somewhat familiar...hmm?<br />
DODO: It looks dead boring to me. C'mon!<br />
DODO: ... I said come ON, guys. Guys. ... guys?<br />
<br />
Steven interrupts Dodo's weak attempts at getting them all out of there by shouting and pointing to a nearby screen that has a picture of him on it.<br />
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Remember when I said that everything Steven does is a little bit sexy? What exactly is going on in this picture, Steven. Steven please. <br />
<br />
The Doctor sees the screen and immediately tells Steven to turn around and not look at it. Steven is confused - the picture of him has changed, it's now one of him in <a href="http://mooshwatcheswho.blogspot.co.uk/search/label/the%20massacre">Paris with his lover, Nicholas</a>. The Doctor seems to finally get his shit together and stops being a whimsical loser.<br />
<br />
DOCTOR: Turn away from it, dear boy! We're now in the world of the Celestial Toymaker! And that screen is hypnotic. It's trying to dominate your mind.<br />
STEVEN: But Doctor...<br />
DOCTOR: There is nothing there. You understand me? There is nothing there at all. You must believe me.<br />
DODO: Who's the Celestial Toymaker?<br />
DOCTOR: He's a powerful evil. He manipulates people and makes them into his playthings. Whatever you do, neither of you must look at that screen. It's a trap. <br />
CELESTIAL TOYMAKER: Did someone say Celestial Toymaker?! :D<br />
<br />
The Toymaker in his fancy robes appears and does the whole villain 'ah Doctor you're spoiling my fun' schtick. The Doctor makes me angry again by saying 'I might have guessed it was you!' when the Toymaker shows up - yeah, you ACTUALLY guessed it was him, Doctor. That's what happened when you said, "We're now in the world of the Celestial Toymaker." That's what that was.<br />
<br />
Dodo gets a little bit of character development here when she sees herself on the screen and exclaims that that's a video of her from the day her mother died. Steven drags her around when she can't stop looking at it, and Dodo gets upset and asks again why they can't leave, exactly. The Doctor has a good excuse, finally, because the Toymaker has duplicated the image of the TARDIS so there's hundreds rotating all around them. Shouldn't have gone outside in the first place, some might say, but what can you do.<br />
<br />
Further peril! Once Steven and Dodo have turned away from the rotating TARDIS images, the Doctor and the Celestial Toymaker have disappeared! And so have all the TARDISes! And in their place are the two human-sized clown toys, making 'shh' gestures.<br />
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Just look at those creepy shits.<br />
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The clowns piss about for a bit, pulling silly pranks on them like getting Steven to shake a false hand and giving Dodo flowers that squirt water. Clown stuff. Y'know. Steven gets angry and demands to know what the clowns want with them, whereupon the Celestial Toymaker reappears. The situation, the Toymaker tells them, is that the Doctor is in a different location and he has to win some games that the Toymaker sets him. Steven and Dodo have to do the same, and the two of them have to win all of their games before the Doctor wins his. Finally, a TARDIS will appear to Steven and Dodo at the end of each game they win - it may or may not be the real one. If they lose any of the games, they have to stay there with the Toymaker 4evs.<br />
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With these rules bestowed, the Toymaker disappears again to rejoin the Doctor. Idiot that the Doctor is, he's all complaining about how he should never have left the TARDIS (yes) and how they should have got out of there as soon as they realised where they were (yes). The Toymaker tells him to stop moaning otherwise he's lost by default, and presents him with a hardcore logic puzzle before disappearing again. The Doctor takes the opportunity to press a conveniently-placed intercom button to warn Steven and Dodo that the Celestial Toymaker is a tricksy bugger, but before he can tell them anything they didn't already know, the Toymaker reappears and punishes the Doctor by making him intangible again - except for one of his hands so he can still solve the puzzle. The Doctor grumbles and goes back to his little logic game as naught but a floaty hand and a pompous voice.<br />
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Back with Dodo, Steven and the clowns (who we learn are called Joey and Clara - wouldn't put it past Moff to use that in the 50th anniversary special this year), a weird blindfolded obstacle course has been set up, wherein Steven has to navigate a bunch of blocks and rope swings and stuff with a blindfold on while Dodo directs him with a buzzer - one buzz for turning right, four for forwards, etc. Joey the clown is just messing about while they play, moving obstacles before Steven can get to them and generally just being a tool.<br />
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When Steven finishes the course to find that Joey has arranged the obstacles so he's back to the beginning again, Steven gets annoyed and takes off his blindfold. He accuses the clownpeople of being Massive Cheating Shits (not a direct quote) and then makes Joey put a blindfold on and do it himself. Obviously Joey fails, and a TARDIS appears! Even more obviously, it's a fake TARDIS, but after looking around they find a piece of paper with a riddle on it:<br />
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<i>"Four legs, no feet, </i></div>
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<i>seven for choice,</i></div>
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<i>call the servants without voice."</i></div>
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And then they walk out through a door that just appeared inside the fake TARDIS, leaving the clownpeople (who are now dolls again) slumped over on the ground.<br />
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And that's the end! I'll leave the riddle here until next time, might take that long to figure out. I have an idea of what it could be but also the irony of having LOGIC PUZZLES in episodes of classic Doctor Who where logic has absolutely no place is not lost on me so I'm reluctant to make a serious guess. It's probably something like an alien species or the concept of breathing. I don't even know.<br />
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I'll be back soon(ish) with part two. Promise. <br />
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MooshUnknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8297455493145820008.post-40790198600062598002012-11-15T22:11:00.000+00:002014-02-03T17:42:27.455+00:00The Ark Part 4/4: The BombWHAT UP, WHOVIANS. We rejoin the action with the Doctor and Dodo stuck on the planet Refusis, a planet very much like Earth in temperature, atmosphere, water levels, and celebrity culture (that one was a lie), and thus it has been chosen by ex-Earth inhabitants as a place they wanna be, because their old planet was swallowed by an expanding sun (like that episode of the ninth Doctor's! Still happy about that). Steven is back up on the spaceship known as the Ark, where giant lizard creatures called Monoids have taken charge, and the remaining humans (whom I have affectionately termed 'newmans') are working as slaves. The original plan of the newmans, Monoids and Refusians living in peace on Refusis does not look like it's going to go ahead.<br />
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Up on the Ark, the Monoids - who just heard the Monoid on Refusis start a report and then get blown up - contemplate the wisdom of moving their entire population to a planet that is potentially filled with enemies. But it could just be a communications error! And before he got cut off, the Monoid on the planet sounded happy and stuff, so. They're just going to send everyone down and hope for the best. And also they've planted a bomb in the top of the statue, so once all the Monoids are safe on Refusis, they're going to blow up the Ark and all of the humans! There's a lot of evil lizardy laughter following this announcement.<br />
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Meanwhile, the Doctor and Dodo are having a chat with a Refusian they've befriended. It seems logic is not going to play a huge part in this episode - the Refusians were the ones to blow up the shuttle, because they don't want any violence. The Doctor tells him that the newmans who wanted to kill them are peaceful, like the Refusians, and the Monoids are the only problem here. But also there are a couple of newmans who want to overthrow the Monoids! The Refusian says, ah okay, in that case he'll give the newmans a whole day to overthrow the Monoids before they shoot the Ark out of the sky. The Doctor is relieved by this? And says that Steven will definitely take care of it and sort out the situation, even though Steven has absolutely no way of finding out about what's happening on the planet. I don't understand ANY of this.<br />
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Luckily, Steven IS planning a revolution, because Steven is a dashing man of action. The kitchen he's trapped in - there's only one door, and it only opens from the outside. But he has a plan: when one of the newman servants who works obediently for the Monoids comes into the kitchen to pick up food, he will distract them with his sexy manly wiles and Dassuk will sneak out and open the door for all of them when it locks again!<br />
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Look at those sexy manly wiles go. Hot dang.<br />
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But! Before any havoc can be wrought, all the Monoids take off for Refusis! Steven and the newmans (which, by the way, is an excellent name for a band) are left alone on the Ark, which is a good thing, but also there is this bomb that's scheduled to go off in twelve hours, and none of them knows where it is, which is kind of a bad thing.<br />
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Logic loses once again in this episode, as the Doctor and Dodo are suddenly out in the jungle, watching from behind a tree as the Monoids land. The Monoids talk loudly of how if this planet doesn't work out, there's still time to get back to the Ark before that bomb they planted goes off - obviously the Doctor and Dodo overhear this and comment on how much of a ridiculous thing to say it was and seem to brush it off. Then, when the Monoids wander off deeper into the jungle, the Doctor and Dodo sneak into one of the unlocked space shuttles, and ring the Ark.<br />
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The newmans, who have made it to the control room on the Ark, see that they have an incoming transmission from one of the space shuttles. It could only be from one of the Monoids, and obviously the newmans are supposed to be trapped in a room on the other side of the ship, so obviously they answer the call.<br />
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DOCTOR: This is Refusis, contacting spaceship Ark.<br />
STEVEN: It’s the Doctor! Hello, Doctor, this is Steven.<br />
DOCTOR: Oh, thank heavens, Steven my boy, you’re safe. Now listen: the Ark is about to blow up!<br />
STEVEN: We know that. Do you know where the bomb is?<br />
DOCTOR: No I do not, but I’m going to find out from the Monoids. Now, continue with the search!<br />
STEVEN: ... well, good, thanks. Well worth the cost of a phone call, that one, Doc. Brilliant.<br />
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The Doctor hangs up and then instructs the Refusian (who is apparently there too!) to fly the shuttles back to the Ark while the Doctor goes talking to the Monoids. The Refusian gets right on that, and when the Monoids come rushing back to see where their spaceships are going, the Doctor happily tells them that he doesn't know! He hasn't seen ANYBODY since he landed on this planet! (It's because the Refusians are invisible.) (He's very proud of himself.)<br />
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The Doctor and Dodo get taken away by the Monoids to be questioned, whereupon they obviously hear all the details about the bomb because the Monoids just reiterate all the information of the episode thus far to one another. Up on the Ark, the bomb hunt is not going well, so the newmans decide to split up so half of them can go down to Refusis and help? I dunno what they're supposed to be helping with, but this episode is not an episode for logic, as we have learned.<br />
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So, the newmans head down to the planet and run into the Doctor; the Doctor tells them that he knows where the bomb is! Let's all head back up to the bomb that's gonna explode soon! He rings ahead to tell Steven that, hello Steven, how're things, yeah, the bomb is in the massive statue BE THERE SOON GOOD LUCK LOL. Steven and the newmans all gather around the statue looking helpless, but then the voice of the Refusian appears being all, 'I CAN HELP YOU WITH THAT,' and then the statue starts, like, being dragged across the floor. Apparently the solar flare that his the Refusians was the same thing that got the Fantastic Four crew because, like, shit.<br />
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The Refusian drags it to the launching bay and blasts it off into space before it explodes, so that's one plot point we've got out of the way, there! Now all they have left to take care of are the murderous lizards. Cool.<br />
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Aaaand they achieve that by... just saying that the two species will make peace? I, um, don't think that's how this kind of stuff works. Or if it is can someone just hop over to the dozens of war zones on present-day Earth and let them know. And the Doctor, Steven and Dodo just leave! Okay, well, quick resolution there, but. No logic in this episode. I don't know why I keep expecting it.<br />
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But then! Inside the TARDIS, everything seems to be going fine (Dodo has changed into a new outfit and Steven gets really close to her before he compliments it) and then the Doctor sneezes and... turns... invisible? Dodo thinks this might have something to do with the Refusions, but then InvisiDoctor says no! They are UNDER ATTACK.<br />
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I've heard that the next serial is a good one, so I look forward to sharing that with you. Maybe there will be storylines that make sense in it. We can but hope. :D<br />
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MooshUnknownnoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8297455493145820008.post-18483661144752271412012-11-12T17:51:00.001+00:002014-02-03T17:31:25.317+00:00The Ark Part 3/4: The ReturnDodo infected a bunch of humans from the year 5 billion with a cold, but the Doctor cured everyone! The new humans revised their previously a-bit-not-good opinion of the Doctor and his companions, and happily waved them off as they vworped away in the TARDIS. But, as we all know, the TARDIS goes wherever it damn pleases, and they ended up in the exact same spot they took off from. Weird! But also it appears a bunch of time has passed, and maybe the giant lizards (Monoids) are in charge now? <br />
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They have a gander around for a bit and find their way back in the main control room. The Doctor checks out the CCTV feed; there are still humans around, but they're working as slaves in the kitchen, and the Monoids are lounging around, giving orders and generally being bosses. Suddenly! A Monoid with its human bitches strolls in, and asks them what exactly they're doing on the spaceship. The Doctor, Dodo and Steven are taken aback by this; the last time they were kicking around on the ship, the Monoids only communicated through sign language.<br />
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The Monoid seems a little suspicious of the Doctor's 'Oh we've been here before, we're friends of yours!' explanation, and hauls them over to speak to the leader. The Monoid In Charge stops all of them before they say anything, and plays the previous episode on a little screen so they can all catch up with the plot.<br />
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And in a move I saw coming, dunno about you, it turns out that WHOOPS! The cold ended up killing loads of the newmans anyway! So that weakened them, and then they worked together to get the Monoids those mechanic voice box things that they're using, and also made themselves some weapons, then BOOM. Monoid revolution! Thank you, Doctor.<br />
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Somewhat ungratefully, though, Monoid In Charge orders them to be taken away while he arranges a grand council. The Doctor, Dodo and Steven all share a weird and unexplained sense of deja vu.<br />
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They get taken to the kitchen, where two people - Dassuk and Venussa - are gossiping. Venussa is really excited cos she overheard the Monoids talking about how some humans have landed on the Ark. Dassuk tells her, nah mate, Earth exploded and all the humans came aboard this ship, where would they have come from? Venussa chirps about the LEGEND OF THE DOCTOR AND THE YOUNG COUPLE, and Dassuk tells her that she's a bit loopy. Venussa is put out, but then hears a Monoid saying the Doctor's name and gets excited again. When they meet her, the TARDIS crew wave her off with only minimal explanation, though, because they are in the middle of a very important Escape Mission.<br />
<br />
... that mission promptly fails when the Monoids come back into the kitchen with guns. Those pesky lizards grab the Doctor and Dodo and take them away, leaving Steven to chill with the newmans. Turns out the Doctor and Dodo are being sent ahead to Refusis on a little shuttle to check out the environment and to make sure that there are no bloodthirsty natives, and Steven is being held back as INSURANCE. Man, not sure lizards are my favourite animals any more, jeez.<br />
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Dodo and the Doctor - along with a Monoid and a newman - make it to Refusis pretty quick. There doesn't seem to be any natives kicking around, which confuses the Monoid, because he could've SWORN that they had readings that indicated... ah well, never mind. And ignore the door opening and closing by itself, it's probably the, um. The wind. Well, they best get back to the ship and tell everyone of the good news! Time's ticking away!<br />
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DODO: Yes, I bet it'll take some time to get the whole of the population down here, so the sooner you get started the better, I should think.<br />
MONOID: Don't worry. It may not take as long as you think.<br />
DODO: What do you mean? Are you up to something?<br />
MONOID: Er. No?<br />
DODO: I'm calling bullshit.<br />
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But then! The Doctor comes round the corner and tells them that Refusis is definitely inhabited and he has proof! Look! A BUILDING.<br />
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So the four of them shimmy on over there to explore; it's the same kind of deal, no people. Except things keep moving on their own! Come on, guys, we all figured out what was going on like five minutes ago.</div>
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Whahey, and then we get an explanation! The Refusians were victims of a giant solar flare, and now they exist in a kind of... non-entity form? They're not just invisible. I guess they're kind of like ghosts, that sort of substance? Anyway, because of this, they were looking forward to their planet having actual corporeal inhabitants again, as long as they came in peace. The Doctor laughs nervously and changes the subject. </div>
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While the Doctor and Dodo stay in the Refusian pad for a while, Monoid and the newman go and make their way back the shuttle so they can radio up to the Ark. The Monoid says something dumb, or something, which makes the newman suspect that maaaaybe the Monoids plan on killing all the humans and living on Refusis without them. The two of them get into a fight (the newman loses), and the Monoid saunters happily into the shuttle again. </div>
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MONOID: Refusis to the spaceship Ark.</div>
MONOID IN CHARGE: Yes, give us your report. Are the landings possible?<br />
MONOID: The planet offers everything we need, but I must warn you. Listen to this carefully. When we first arrived, we exited--<br />
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And then the shuttle blows up! With the Monoid inside it! Leaving the Doctor and Dodo stranded on Refusis! Shiiiit.<br />
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I like how the BBC's budget in the 60's meant that a bunch of aliens were just invisible. Not being able to see the enemy is UNDER-UTILISED in New Who, imo.<br />
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MooshUnknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8297455493145820008.post-39078606246487392222012-11-11T23:59:00.000+00:002014-02-03T17:05:35.603+00:00The Ark Part 2/4: The PlagueNew Girl Dodo is way too eager to be away from home with no way of getting back, which makes me suspicious, and also she has brought her disgusting Earth Girl germs with her to the 5 billion and 1st century and is now killing locals. She has not made a great impression on me so far.<br />
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So the Doctor, Dodo and Steven are in some kind of holding cell, waiting to be tried under Galactic Law by Crazy Zentos. Dodo is getting on my nerves already and we're only one minute in.<br />
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DODO: It’s all my fault! If I’d known it was going to be like this, I’d never have come.<br />
DOCTOR: Well you did come, my dear, so it’s too late to be worry about that - and stop sniffling!<br />
DODO: I’m not sniffling, it’s me nose running again! Anyway, I’m feeling better now. But I don’t suppose anyone cares.<br />
DOCTOR: I don't suppose anyone does, because there are other people on this spaceship who are LITERALLY DYING, you selfish little shit.<br />
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The Commander, who caught the cold at the end of the last episode, is lying on a bed with his daughter, Mellium, and a scientist next to him. The scientist is apologetic, because all records concerning the common cold were lost YEARS ago, and it was, y'know, quite tough to cure to begin with. The Commander says that he doesn't really care what happens to him, or to his daughter, as long as the voyage continues and the ship makes it to the planet Refusis in 700 years' time. Mellium is a little put out.<br />
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Crazy Zentos is pretty eager to get on with the trial and punishment of the three prisoners, so he calls a meeting of the newmans. He will preside, he says happily, and does anyone want to stand up for the prisoners? After an awkward silence, Manyak - the technician that the Doctor had a chat with when they were first brought to the spaceship - and Mellium say that they'll do that, it's what the Commander would have wanted. (The Commander, who is lying fully conscious on a bed one room over, chimes in with, "Yes, yes!")<br />
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The Commander's hilarious interjections continue. Crazy Zentos calls Steven into the trial room and accuses him of being a spy from Refusis sent to sabotage the humans' journey. Steven calls bullshit on account of him being a human time traveller; Crazy Zentos rejects this idea, as humans haven't perfected time travel yet (my earlier excitement over the Doctor Who continuity staying strong over 50 years has wilted a little - wasn't Jack Harkness a human time traveller from the 51st century?). But Crazy Zentos's 'instincts' tell him that Steven and the others are EVIL.<br />
<br />
STEVEN: And that, unfortunately, tells me only one thing.<br />
CRAZY ZENTOS: What’s that?<br />
STEVEN: That the nature of man, even in this day and age, hasn’t altered at all. You still fear the unknown, like everyone else before you.<br />
COMMANDER: That’s true! True!<br />
CRAZY ZENTOS: Stop getting involved omg.<br />
<br />
Ahaha and then he does it AGAIN I'm laughing really hard right now. Manyak the technician is really fighting for the TARDIS gang:<br />
<br />
MANYAK: The fever is here. We have no answer for it and it might well be that they are the only ones who can cure it.<br />
CRAZY ZENTOS: Our micro-virologists may still find an answer!<br />
MANYAK: Perhaps, but if we were to agree that the Doctor and his friends could, what is the value in expelling them from the spaceship?<br />
COMMANDER: None at all!<br />
<br />
Ahh no but then one of the newmans brings news that someone else has died from the fever. This makes everyone's mind up; the verdict is that these saboteurs are to be EXPELLED FROM THE SPACESHIP. But then, whoops, something's going on with Steven.<br />
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<br />
He's all weak and fainty cos he's caught the cold (Dodo may be annoying but she never made such a fuss about a little COLD, gosh). Some Monoids drag him to the cell where the Doctor and Dodo are waiting and the Doctor tries to talk his way out of custody so he can go do 'some experiments' and find a cure. Crazy Zentos flat-out refuses, but the Commander has found a communication device from somewhere and orders Crazy Zentos to let the Doctor do his science, on the condition that he tests out the cure on Steven first.<br />
<br />
The Doctor, given a sudden free reign, goes into overdrive. He starts ordering the newmans about, telling Mellium to keep Steven warm and then run around the ship doing the same to all the other sick people. The then gives Dodo a list of things he needs and sends her to fetch it all from the TARDIS (I'm crossing my fingers that the list is just 'Lemsip, cuddles'), and then he grabs one of the newmans and begins to tell him about the science behind the cold virus, in case they can be of any help. It might be the first time I've seen him take charge of a situation and have some semblance of competence. It's exciting!<br />
<br />
The Doctor, with his silent Monoid assistant (all the Monoids communicate in sign language), whip up a cocktail of cold remedy and sort of rub it into Steven's arm, because hypodermic needles are sooo last millennium. Steven stirs a little bit, so the Doctor is all, 'Cool! It works!' and then rushes off to treat everyone else.<br />
<br />
It is one hour later and Steven is still all fevery. Dodo is getting concerned, but the Doctor tells her to chillax, hang loose, just go with the flow. And SURE ENOUGH, in <a href="https://twitter.com/PotterMoosh/status/267773769467187200">a spectacular display of Steven being wildly inappropriate</a>, he grabs onto Dodo while his fever breaks. Everything's going to be fine!<br />
<br />
Dodo runs to the main room to break the news to everyone, and the newmans are surprisingly laid back about it all. Even Crazy Zentos is just, 'Cool, you were right! Awesome, you're free to go whenever you like catch you later xoxo.' So, the Doctor, Dodo and Steven say goodbye to them in front of the statue that they're building (it's going to be a massive human - the plan is it'll take 700 years to build so by the time they arrive on Refusis it'll just be finished) and then just... head back to the TARDIS on, like, a little golf cart driven by a Monoid oh gosh that's really cute.<br />
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So they just get into the TARDIS and dematerialise. I guess... that's the end of that? But it's a four-part serial! I sense there is MORE TO COME. And I am proven right, because apparently they've materialised again right back where they left! They're still on the ship, something must have gone wrong with the TARDIS, the Doctor tells them.<br />
<br />
So, they (for some reason) head back on over to the newman's building to tell them of the hilarious thing that just happened, and they find it deserted. Weird, Dodo says, they've only been gone a few seconds. Steven gently reminds her of what the T in TARDIS stands for, but then they catch sight of that statue that was going to take 700 years to build, and it's finished. But instead of being a statue of a human, it's a statue of a MONOID.<br />
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Excellent plot twist, A+! MORE SOON.<br />
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MooshUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8297455493145820008.post-65759548298995307832012-11-10T12:58:00.001+00:002014-02-03T16:59:01.326+00:00The Ark Part 1/4: The Steel SkyI did some research - turns out the Doctor wasn't around much during The Massacre is cos William Hartnell was on holiday. Still not entirely sure what the deal with him and the Abbot was, but from what I can gather it was just... they looked exactly the same? Hartnell-as-the-Abbot didn't do his annoying little giggle, or say 'hmm?', apparently, which I didn't notice! But I appreciate! If only Hartnell-as-the-Doctor could show the same courtesy.<br />
<br />
No, it's fine, I'm gonna let it go. I've moved on. Season 3 episode 26, let's do this.<br />
<br />
The episode opens with a shot of a lizard on a rock. I love lizards! But then a bird lands on the lizard's face what no don't be mean to the lizard, bird, what did it ever do to you? Oh man and then there's a person in a scaley costume so I assume that's supposed to be a BIG LIZARD with ONE EYE inside a MOUTH ooh how exciting.<br />
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I've never seen a lizard with such a well-kept head of hair before, but I guess aliens have different rules for that kind of thing. Even if they still have geckos and toucans.<br />
<br />
The TARDIS lands in the middle of a jungle/rainforest - because ALL ALIEN PLANETS ARE MADE OF JUNGLE, that is what we have learnt - and the new girl, Dodo, prances right out. Steven rushes out after her, reprimanding her for just jumping out of the TARDIS without the Doctor doing, like, atmosphere checks and stuff.<br />
<br />
STEVEN: Look, Dodo, you don’t know what you might have found out here. No gravity, poisoned atmosphere, all sorts of things. What happens if you get lost?<br />
DODO: I'll catch a bus back!<br />
STEVEN: A... bus? Are you HIGH? <br />
<br />
Dodo is pretty certain that the rainforest they've landed in is actually a zoo! She came here on a school trip a few years ago, she assures Steven, and if you go down that path there's a pretty good American Bison attraction. Also woah geez how old is Dodo because Steven just had a definite moment with her. CONTROL YOURSELF, Steven, stop having chemistry with everyone. God.<br />
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The Doctor appears and tells them both that Dorothea - sorry, Dodo - might be right. He's been looking at his instruments (now, Doctor, this is a family show) and things are very strange. You're damn right they are, Doctor, because the scene then cuts to one of those big lizard things using a typewriter. And then, wow, okay, the shot pans out to show a courtroom? There's a human jury, human judge and human defendant, but also those lizard things are like the guards? And all the humans are wearing these tunic-skirt things. The dude being tried has great legs.<br />
<br />
Okay, so from what I can gather, the Dude of Great Legs works in, like, a power plant or something, and left a safety valve open. His sentence is MINIATURISATION, which is what it sounds like, he's just gonna be shrunk to tiny size. The judge's daughter protests a little - I think her and Great Legs must have been a thing - but a lizard thing (called a Monoid?) zaps him down and that's that done with.<br />
<br />
Back in the jungle, the Doctor, Steven and Dodo have found an elephant (seriously) and all gather around it, petting it, which I am very envious of. Elephants are up there with lizards. Love 'em. The Doctor remarks on how this is an Indian elephant, and there are plants from America and birds from Africa and basically shit from all over the place all in one jungle. Oh, also there's no sky; it's a metal dome that radiates light. So.<br />
<br />
They conclude that they're in some kind of indoor nature park on Earth or maybe some other undisclosed planet who knows! Also Dodo is getting a cold, she keeps sneezing, so maybe there's a poison in the air or something, that'd be cool. <br />
<br />
Unfortunately for the TARDIS crew, a Monoid (lizard) has been watching them the whole time, and goes off to report to the judge from earlier, who is a Commander of some kind. The Commander fires up the CCTV and sees that these three look like human beings, which is apparently weird. He gets his minion, Zentos, to pop outside and invite them in for a little chat.<br />
<br />
An alarm starts blaring away in the jungle and the Doctor, Steven and Dodo are understandably concerned by this. Turns out the Monoids have found the TARDIS and now they're looking for them, shit. They go hide in a cave (there's a moment where Dodo nearly sneezes and Steven presses his ENTIRE BODY AGAINST HER, not even kidding, come on, Steven); once the Monoids have walked past the cave entrance, the Doctor decides they should all go back to the TARDIS and get the hell out of there.<br />
<br />
So they creep out of the cave and round a corner and see a kind of factory thing? Steven and Dodo don't have a clue what's going on, but the Doctor happily says that that factory thing means this is a spaceship! How exciting! Dodo says, cool, but if this is a spaceship, why are we currently surrounded by threateningly large giant lizards? The Doctor laughs nervously.<br />
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<br />
Oh man something cool just happened. So, Steven, Dodo and the Doctor are taken into the building where the trial was held, and are separated and questioned. Steven is pretty useless when asked about the whole travelling-the-fourth-dimension thing, but he gets a couple of questions answered in return. It turns out that it is the year 5 billion, and this spaceship has left Earth for the last time for pastures new. IT'S THE SAME TIME AS THAT EPISODE FROM CHRISTOPHER ECCLESTON'S ERA. IT'S THE SAME YEAR. THE SUN IS EXPANDING AND EVERYONE'S LEAVING EARTH. Ahhh so cool.<br />
<br />
The Doctor and Dodo reappear and everyone has a nice chat for a while. Mellium, the commander's daughter, shows Steven and Dodo around while the Doctor has a chat with the spaceship technicians. Everything is hunky-dory until another alarm starts going off; people are starting to get a STRANGE FEVER and one of the Monoids has just DIED.<br />
<br />
Turns out the common cold was wiped out of humanity millions of years ago, so these humans of the year 5 billion don't have any resistance to Dodo's germs. The new humans (newmans?) take this as a big old sabotage attempt and take the TARDIS crew into custody! They will be tried by Galactic Law and will suffer for the crimes they have committed! Dun dun dunnnnn.<br />
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MooshUnknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8297455493145820008.post-7239510898198246992012-11-08T23:59:00.000+00:002014-02-08T21:56:25.926+00:00The Massacre Part 4/4: Bell of DoomSo, the Doctor is dead? And everyone thinks Steven killed him, and also they think that the Doctor is this Abbot dude, so Steven is being chased across Paris by a bunch of cardinal guards and a horde of angry Catholics. Also there is a part where a character mentions that it's St
Bartholomew's Day tomorrow, and as the full title of this serial is The
Massacre of St Bartholomew's Eve, then I think I have an inkling of
what's going to go down.<br />
<br />
It is the morning after and Steven is okay! He managed to evade the guard and hid... somewhere... during the curfew. He goes back to Preslin's abandoned shop and finds Annevieve! She asks what he plans to do with his life now everything has gone to shit, and the only thing Steven can think to do is to find the TARDIS key and get out of there. Maybe the Doctor changed into his Abbot clothes while he was at the shop, Steven reasons, so maybe his Doctor clothes are still kicking around somewhere and MAYBE the TARDIS key is in the pocket or something. It's a long shot, everyone admits, but the two of them set about to searching the shop anyway.<br />
<br />
After a while Annevieve finds the Doctor's walking stick and brings it to Steven. Steven demands to know where she found it and if there was anything else with it; Annevieve says that, no! It was in the back room! There are no clothes anywhere!<br />
<br />
ANNE: I've searched everywhere!<br />
STEVEN: Then why the stick? He - he couldn't have pretended to be the Abbot dressed as he was. So he must have changed somewhere. But where?<br />
ANNE: Perhaps he went away somewhere with the apothecary who used to live here?<br />
STEVEN: With Preslin? No he couldn't.<br />
ANNE: Why not?<br />
STEVEN: Because Preslin is either dead or in prison.<br />
DOCTOR: He is not.<br />
<br />
OHHHHH what an entrance. You got STYLE, Doctor.<br />
<br />
Meanwhile, Admiral de Coligny is still all shot in the arm and stuff. Angry Gaston warns him that the Catholics still want him dead, he should leave Paris right now! Boyfriend/Carer Nicholas gently tells Gaston that, look bro, the Admiral has a pretty hefty bullet wound, he can't really go sneaking out of heavily guarded buildings into the night. Gaston walks away in a huff, and the Admiral and Nicholas have a nice little chat (of course, because Nicholas is wonderful). <br />
<br />
Back <i>au magasin de Preslin</i>, the Doctor is acting like the Abbot was not him at all. I... don't know what to believe. Maybe the Abbot really did just look exactly like him? Steven seems to think so. The Doctor, who has missed being obnoxious in the hours that he was maybe dead(?), dives right back in.<br />
<br />
DOCTOR: Oh, my dear boy, had you stayed at the tavern all this mix-up could have been avoided.<br />
STEVEN: I did stay in the tavern, you didn't turn up!<br />
DOCTOR: Yes, well, I was unavoidably delayed. Never mind that now. Come along, we must go. Come along.<br />
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<br />
Then Anne mentions something about it being St Bartholomew's Day tomorrow and the Doctor pauses. He demands to know the year (1572) and then gets crazy and interrogates Anne, asking her if there's anywhere she can go stay for the night. She's points out that she's kipping in an abandoned shop, she's pretty low on choice, but the Doctor forces her out of the door and tells her to go stay at her aunt's house or something. As soon as Anne is out of the way, the Doctor grabs Steven and tells him that they need to leave too! Right now!<br />
<br />
The Catholics, who are definitely the bad guys in this serial, are busy plotting. Marshal Tavannes (Catholic in Charge) is drawing up a list of Huguenots they need to kill, but then the Queen Mother knocks on his door and is all, 'You know what? We don't really need a list. Kill them all!' Tavannes asks if that includes Prince Henri, her son-in-law, and she cheerfully replies that it definitely does, yep! Tavannes tries to talk her down from her crazy, and she eventually concedes that if he's out of the city by tomorrow then he will have no death brought upon him. Simon is put in charge of the prince's safekeeping. He's pretty gutted that he's not allowed to even injure him a little. Catholics are all bloody crazy, man.<br />
<br />
Hiding behind a wall near the Abbot's house, where there are Catholics standing guard, the Doctor and Steven debate how they're going to get past them and back to the TARDIS. They can't risk just walking past them because it's early morning, the curfew is still in effect. But then! Two other guards come to relieve the old ones of the post, and then a bunch more arrive and start battering down the door to the Abbot's house. Steven and the Doctor make a run for it!<br />
<br />
And... well, I mean, they make it. And then dematerialise. So. That's that story over with, then, isn't it. Oh, and Steven never got to say goodbye to Nicholas! Boo. There's still like ten minutes of the episode left but after it's done you can bet your arse I'm reading the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/St._Bartholomew%27s_Day_massacre">Wiki article</a> for this massacre thing so I can get some decent closure. Anne/Genevieve and Nicholas better be mentioned in that article and they better have happy endings. God.<br />
<br />
Floating around in time and space, Steven gets pretty angry that the Doctor knew all this was going to happen and yet he left people like Anne and Nicholas (of course he mentions Nicholas I'm actually pretty sure their ~love was canon) there to die. He also says that he's sick of this, and next time the TARDIS materialises somewhere, he's getting off. BABY, NO.<br />
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<br />
I hate everything.<br />
<br />
The Doctor then has a little soliloquy where he reminisces about his past companions. Ian Chesterton of the Pre-Moosh Watches Who era gets a special mention, which is nice, cos I liked him, and the Doctor also says that he wants to go back to his home planet, but because he has a shit TARDIS, he can't. It's all very sad.<br />
<br />
BUT THEN a girl bursts inside the TARDIS, looking for the phone, because the TARDIS looks like a police phone box. The Doctor tells her to go away, there is no phone here. But there's been an accident, she says in a really endearing northern accent, she has to ring the police right now and also who are you, crazy man in a box? The Doctor tries to explain that he's a man of science! And this is his machine for travelling relative dimensions in space! But before he can finish bewildering the poor girl, Steven comes back! Hello, sweetheart! I missed you!<br />
<br />
Steven is all, 'Look I can't go into it right now but there are two policemen coming this way so can we dematerialise now pls,' so he's almost definitely defiled some public property or something. The Doctor genuinely says, "They'll want to use the telephone or something like it!" like telephones are the worst thing ever thought of, and dematerialises in a hurry.<br />
<br />
It's at that point that Steven notices that, hello, there's another person in this TARDIS. Steven is distressed, because that is a young girl that the Doctor has just taken away from her entire life with no way of returning, there. The Doctor is confused at Steven's displeasure.<br />
<br />
STEVEN: Doctor, how could you?<br />
DOCTOR: What else could I do, dear boy? You don't want a couple of policemen aboard the TARDIS, do you? You know you're the most inconsistent young man? Just now you were telling me off for not having that Chaplet girl aboard!<br />
STEVEN: Yeah because this is the EXACT SAME SITUATION you complete moron.<br />
<br />
It's all cool, though, the new girl doesn't have any parents, she lives with her great-aunt and they don't get along. Also they ask her name - it is Dodo, but her full name is Dorothea Chaplet, which is the same surname as Anne/Genevieve. Fancy that.<br />
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<br />
And that's it! The next episode is called The Steel Sky. Do you reckon it's a cyberman one? If it were a reboot episode I'd say it was definitely cybermen, but I think the cybermen of Classic Who were made of cloth or smthn, so. Let's wait and see.<br />
<br />
Also I guess the Abbot was just the Abbot all along? Um. Okay. Well. Good. <br />
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MooshUnknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8297455493145820008.post-1315020045340747492012-11-06T13:56:00.001+00:002014-02-08T18:45:33.462+00:00The Massacre Part 3/4: Priest of DeathChief Protestant, Admiral de Coligny, is due to be given a shiny new nickname and then assassinated; Steven knows the nickname and the plan but not who the nickname refers to, Nicholas (boyfriend/carer) knows the nickname and the referent but not the plan, and the Catholics know everything, because they're the evil masterminds of this whole thing. The Doctor has wandered off somewhere, and Steven is holed up with Anne But-If-Anyone-Asks-My-Name-Is-Genevieve in Charles Preslin's abandoned shop, which wasn't abandoned yesterday when the Doctor visited but also has been empty for two years.<br />
<br />
It seems relatively empty now, because that's where Steven and Anne wake up. The end of the curfew prompts Steven to make a plan; they will go to the Abbot's house and try to see just what the deal is with him looking like the Doctor. Anne, reasonably, tells Steven that the guards will definitely recognise them before he even gets close; Steven refutes this claim, saying that he'll wear a disguise! And then promptly just puts on a different cloak and hat. Excellent espionage skills there, Steven.<br />
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Meanwhile, there's an early-morning meeting of important people over at the Louvre. In attendance: King Charles IX, Admiral de Coligny ('Sea Beggar', Protestant in Charge), Marshal Tavannes (Catholic in Charge), Teligny (Councillor, hopefully a one-scene character because I'm losing track of everyone) and Catherine de Medici (Queen Mother, silent observer).<br />
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They're all discussing the possibility of France allying itself with the Netherlands and declaring war on Spain. This would, Admiral Protestant claims, unify the country and prevent further civil strife. Marshal Catholic claims that, psh, the country is already unified! There was that marriage between two royals mentioned in the first episode that did that! Also, we're too poor to do war lol. De Coligny argues with this and says that England will definitely be on their side, and the two of them bicker. After a while, King Charles basically says, 'Oh my god guys shut up I'm bored of this war talk,' and then changes the subject to last Saturday's episode of X Factor or something. I definitely like him.<br />
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De Coligny and Tavannes are pretty determined, however, and the talk turns to the religious rift in France. De Coligny is pretty pissed that his protestant homebros keep suffering at the hands of the Catholics, who run the joint. Tavannes says that there was a treaty drawn up by the Queen Mother and they're following the rules laid out in that and is he questioning her judgement? Admiral de Coligny says something sarcastic in response, and everyone gets angry. The Queen Mother storms out, Marshal Tavannes goes with her, and King Charles IX is amused and asks if the Admiral wants to play tennis with him. Not even kidding.<br />
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Steven and Anne Call-Me-Genevieve make it to the Abbot's place. After arguing with a servant for a bit, they make it inside and the Doctor stays in character, acting all obnoxious and authoritative and... well, actually, acting much the same as usual, just not answering to the name of 'Doctor'. Steven is taken aback by this, and panics.<br />
<br />
DOCTOR: What is this?<br />
PRIEST: My Lord Abbot.<br />
STEVEN: Doctor!<br />
DOCTOR Silence! Who is this man? And why does he disturb my peace?<br />
PRIEST: It appears he comes from a dying man.<br />
DOCTOR: Well?<br />
STEVEN: Um, I... I - I've brought back the servant who ran away!<br />
ANNE: You little shit!<br />
<br />
The priest leaves and Steven whispers that he thought Anne would be safer here, with there being an assassin kicking about, but before anyone can reply, Marshal Tavannes storms in wanting a private word with the Abbot regarding the Sea Beggar. The Doctor tells Steven and Anne to wait outside.<br />
<br />
So, they go wait outside the door but they can totally still hear the conversation and they find out who the Sea Beggar is! Steven is all like, 'I must tell Nicholas!' because he is a poor lovestruck fool, and the two of them hurry out the side door over to Protestant HQ.<br />
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Nicholas is obviously overjoyed to see him, but there isn't time for make-up cuddles, cos there's gonna be a death on the Rue des Fosse St. Germaine if they don't hurry! Meanwhile, Admiral de Coligny is walking along said street and the covertly-named Bondot is setting up his killing weapons. Just as Bondot fires, though, the Admiral bends down to pick up something he dropped (convenient), so he only gets shot in the... arm? How did he even bend over? Do they do that differently in France? Jesus. Anyway, Teligny (forgettable character from the council scene earlier) and Nicholas rush over to him and urge him to a surgeon and he's all alive and stuff so everything's fine.<br />
<br />
Teligny rushes to tell the king of this treachery (Charles's reaction: "Will I never have any peace?!"), while Steven and Nicholas have a touching reunion.<br />
<br />
STEVEN: Nicholas, I'm sorry. I tried to tell Gaston, he wouldn't listen to me.<br />
NICHOLAS: I know, he told me.<br />
STEVEN: I knew that the 'Sea Beggar' was going to be killed. Until this morning I didn't know who that was.<br />
NICHOLAS: I could've told you. <br />
STEVEN: ;____; Take me back please I'm sorry I didn't mean it I love you. <br />
<br />
Unfortunately before they can even have a tiny little kiss, Teligny, who is suddenly a character in this serial, burst in and tells them that shit is going mental outside. The Abbot of Amboise was just murdered outside his own house because he let that pesky Englishman overhear the assassination plans, but the Catholics are blaming the death on the Protestants and things are basically going crazy. Steven races off because, like, that wasn't the Abbot, that was his buddy the Doctor, and Nicholas, charged with watching over the wounded Admiral, watches him leave as a single tear runs down his face. I imagine.<br />
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<br />
Steven makes it to the crowd outside the Abbot's house. There are a bunch of people - just, like, commoners, I think - all gathered around a body on the floor and talking about how terrible these Huguenots are. They should be banned from entering towns, what with all their 'free-thinking' bullshit! Shady Roger is also nearby, quietly talking to the Captain of the Guard about how cool it is that the crowd believes their deception. Steven doesn't hear this, he's too busy collapsing on the floor next to the body, being all distraught and that. Shady Roger sees him, though, and shouts that HE'S THE ONE WHO KILLED THE ABBOT! The guards arm themselves and go after him. Steven shits himself and runs for it.<br />
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Next episode: Bell of Doom. Did not hold back with the ominous titles this serial, did they? Jeez.<br />
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MooshUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8297455493145820008.post-34955140791508429222012-11-05T15:49:00.002+00:002014-02-08T17:56:25.886+00:00The Massacre Part 2/4: The Sea BeggarSo we ended last episode in sixteenth-century France in the midst of a little Catholic/Protestant kerfuffle. Steven is off being seduced by a hot French Protestant dude, and the Doctor, bizarrely, is somehow in charge of the Catholics. No idea how that happened.<br />
<br />
It is the morning after the end of the last episode, and everybody is carefully avoiding the subject of what happened between Steven and Nicholas. Gaston showed up at Nicholas's place while Steven was checking the tavern to see if the Doctor was there (he was not) and now all three of them are having a light morning chit-chat. Steven is visibly worried about where the Doctor could have gone (Gaston's mutterings about the Catholics probably killing him don't help much) and Nicholas offers to take him to Port St Martin. What a gentleman.<br />
<br />
Before they can leave, though, Shady Roger arrives looking for the servant girl. Gaston and Nicholas both evade the questions about her, but then she ruins everything by walking in to serve them all drinks.<br />
<br />
SHADY ROGER: Surely, that is the very girl!<br />
GASTON: That girl?<br />
SHADY ROGER: Yes, her name is Anne Chaplet. Allow me take her with me.<br />
GASTON: Oh, no, no, no! You must be mistaken! That girl is called... erm. Genevieve. And she's been working here ever since the Admiral came to Paris.<br />
NICHOLAS: And this is my platonic friend, Steven! We didn't have sex last night!<br />
SHADY ROGER: ... I don't even know with you people.<br />
<br />
Shady Roger leaves, and Gaston watches him go from the window. He voices his amazement that the Abbot himself took the trouble of coming out to Protestant territory for the sake of a servant girl; Nicholas and Steven go over to the window and Steven is all, '... but... that's my bro the Doctor?' He tries to leave so as to go and speak to him, but Gaston holds him back because in his eyes Steven just admitted to being a Catholic spy, there. A brief interrogation occurs before Steven tells them that they'll go to Port St Martin and they'll see the Doctor there and they can all see how weirdly similar the Doctor and the Abbot look and then they'll laugh about it over drinks. Nicholas suggests that maybe Gaston should stay there while just he and Steven go. I'm not even kidding.<br />
<br />
So, Nicholas and Steven head on over to Port St Martin and find the shop. There's no answer, and a weird old woman passing by tells them that Charles Preslin (the apothecary) has been dead for YEARS. Steven is confused, and Nicholas is hurt that Steven lied to him. They have a bit of a fight, which results in Steven knocking Nicholas over and then running away. The hearts of Tumblr users everywhere break in two.<br />
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Meanwhile, Simon, who I get the impression is the Lord Varys of these episodes, is consorting with all sorts of people. He hung out with a guy called Tavannes, Marshal of France, who told him to keep an eye the Abbot, because he has a weird feeling, and also to watch out for the new Englishman who has appeared (Steven), because it would be just typical of Queen Elizabeth to butt in on French matters. Simon then meets up with Shady Roger, and tells him that they're suspicious of the Englishman now too. Also they talk about an assassin, whose name is Monivere, but who they're calling Bondot so people don't get suspicious. Come on, lads, if you're going to use a secret code name, don't use a French version of the name 'Bond'. Skyfall's just come out, anyone can see right through that.<br />
<br />
Simon and Shady Roger then BOTH go to meet up with Marshal Tavannes, who tells them that the Abbot has disappeared somewhere, because as we know, the Doctor likes to disappear off on his own for 15 minutes per episode, and also the French Queen Mother has instructed Bondot to assassinate the 'Sea Beggar', which is apparently French slang for a Dutch person, or something. Steven, who had crept over to Catholics United HQ to see if he could find the Doctor, overhears this and rushes back to Nicholas's crib to pass on what he's learnt.<br />
<br />
When he gets there, though, he doesn't find Nicholas, but Gaston. Hot-headed foo' that he is, Gaston goes a bit mental at Steven and threatens him with some sword action (not a euphemism) before kicking him out again. Nicholas shows up just after Steven leaves and asks what all the commotion was about. Gaston proudly tells him that he just spared that little shit of an Englishman's life instead of killing him dead, and Nicholas is immediately concerned for Steven. Of course.<br />
<br />
GASTON: Oh, you're having a very bad effect on me, my friend. I just spared that wretch's life.<br />
NICHOLAS: What are you talking about?<br />
GASTON: That... Englishman!<br />
NICHOLAS: Steven?<br />
GASTON: Yes, I caught him here!<br />
NICHOLAS: What did he say?<br />
GASTON: Say? Nothing.<br />
NICHOLAS: Why did he come back?<br />
GASTON: He was spying! I caught him going through your papers!<br />
NICHOLAS: He must have had a message otherwise he'd never have come back...<br />
GASTON: Getting a little jealous over here, man. I thought you and I had something special.<br />
<br />
Cold, dejected and alone, Steven is wandering the streets of Paris just before the curfew. He slowly comes to realise that he is being followed, so as the bell signalling the start of the curfew rings, he turns around and manages to grab his pursuer. It's Servant Girl Anne/Genevieve! She wants to go with Steven because the Catholic baddies are looking for her at Nicholas's place, and also Steven was nice to her. Steven is like, 'That's cool and all, but I ain't got nowhere to stay tonight, love, so unless you fancy cuddling in a doorway somewhere, you should probably go.' But eventually they decide to go back to Port St Martin and have a kip in Preslin's apparently-deserted shop.<br />
<br />
Back at Nicholas's place, the Admiral de Coligny (Protestant In Charge, I think) shows up to tell Nicholas that he has great news! The King has agreed to ally himself with the Dutch and go to war with Spain! Excellent! And even better: the King said that if everything goes well, the Admiral will go down in history as the 'Sea Beggar'! How cool a nickname is that?!<br />
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See, at first I thought the Admiral meant that the Sea Beggar was Nicholas, so I'm actually not too bothered by this. The Admiral has a voice that just makes me a little uncomfortable. It's all oily and strange. Assassinate him all you want, Bondot, anything to make him not say words at me any more.<br />
<br />
The end screens for this serial are weird and difficult to read, so. The next episode is called Priest of Death! Sounds well cheerful, I look forward to it.<br />
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MooshUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8297455493145820008.post-77280047836214060262012-11-04T20:51:00.004+00:002014-02-08T12:35:49.538+00:00The Massacre Part 1/4: War of GodHello! Welcome to Day Four of NatWhoWatMo (National Who Watching Month). I'm feeling much more enthusiastic about watching a Classic Who episode than I have been for the last few weeks. It's the beginning of a new serial and I have no idea what to expect! Some kind of war, maybe, going from the title. A bit of casual death here and there, but I'm HOPING that no one I care about is going to die. At the moment the list of surviving characters about whom I give a crap is limited to Steven, so. Surely the odds are in my favour?<br />
<br />
I don't know how much time has passed since the Dalek Extravaganza; the TARDIS materialises in a courtyard and the Doctor and Steven emerge from it, fully recovered from the horrors of their past. <br />
<br />
Oh, they're in France! The Doctor figures they're in the mid-sixteenth century, and gets excited about meeting the Famous Apothecary Charles Preslin, who I have just googled and I don't think he was a real person, but I may be wrong.<br />
<br />
The Doctor's excitement was prompted by the appearance of a dude, Gaston, knocking on a door and asking for Nicholas Muss, who I again googled and who, it turns out, is now working as a dentist in Reston, Virginia. So I imagine, like, probably fictional. The Doctor recognises the name, though, and mentions a "strange brotherhood of apothecaries" who are "way ahead of their time". Nicholas appears and listens patiently while Gaston insults Catholics, before they both disappear off. The Doctor and Steven take this opportunity to go back into the TARDIS and change clothes.<br />
<br />
Nicholas and Gaston make their way to a tavern where they meet up with some other dudes, one of whom is called Simon. Gaston proposes a toast to Henri of Navarre, the Protestant Prince (it's a religion episode, apparently), and Simon puts in that they should also toast to Henri's Catholic Princess. Gaston pointedly spits out his wine and has a loud and obnoxious conversation with the landlord about the quality of the alcohol in this joint. Nicholas, who is acting like Gaston's boyfriend/carer, tries to shut him up, with limited success.<br />
<br />
Simon then pulls Gaston up and is all, 'Dude, come on, don't be insulting Princess Marguerite, now,' and Gaston is basically like, 'Shut up, I don't like you.' Simon sighs and has a quiet word with the landlord, asking him to keep an eye on the rowdy peasants, and leaves.<br />
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The Doctor and Steven pass him on the way in to have a quick dash of booze before exploring the city. Steven is complaining that he doesn't want to sit in the TARDIS while the Doctor goes off talking to his apothecary person, and the Doctor is adamant that Steven will just hold him back when he's talking science.<br />
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Steven then insists that he'll just explore the city, then, and after some heavy warnings not to get into trouble, Steven, and don't talk to strangers, Steven, and don't put your real name on the internet, Steven, the Doctor agrees that they'll meet back at the tavern that evening and jet off in their time machine again. He leaves, followed by a mysterious gentleman who had been waiting in the shadows. Steven notices this and moves to go after them, but the landlord holds him back because the Doctor walked off without paying for the wine. What a shit.<br />
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Steven confusedly presents the landlord with a big gold coin - I'm going to call it a galleon, for comprehension's sake - and the landlord is like, 'What the hell, dude, the wine is two sickles. I don't have change for this.' Steven gets nervous because the galleon is the only French money he has, but then boom, Nicholas, apparently a carer/boyfriend to everyone, appears and buys Steven the drinks.<br />
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Steven is duly charmed by this, and casually asks if Nicholas knows the way to Port St Martin, where the Doctor was headed. Nicholas tells him that if he's a tourist, there's pretty much no chance that he'll make it there alone. Steven gets out his puppy eyes and Nicholas, the charmer, invites Steven to have some wine with him and his buddies, and then afterwards the two of them can go on a little wander down the side streets, if you know what I mean (Steven does).<br />
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After quarter of an hour of awkwardly drinking wine and being interrogated by a jealous Gaston, Steven says that he really should be getting on now, actually. Nicholas stands up and says that they'll go see Paris together! But Steven notices Gaston's evil eye and assures Nicholas that he'll be able to find his way, if Nicholas just points him in the right direction.<br />
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Nicholas is disappointed, but agrees, but before Steven can go anywhere, a little girl runs past them into the tavern, followed by a bunch of cardinal guards. Gaston leaps up to confront the guards and refuses to let them further into the tavern because his defining character trait is apparently hating Catholics. They all exchange insults for a bit, then the guards give up and go away. Gaston, cheered by this run-in with the fuzz, tells Steven that it's dangerous for him to be outside alone, and invites him back for more booze.<br />
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Steven is concerned about the girl and wants to go look for her, but Gaston says she'll probs be fine. Weirdly, Steven isn't comforted by this, but the girl pokes her head out from where she was hiding and Gaston calls her over to show Steven just how very fine she is, Englishman, do not even worry. Steven gently asks her why she was frightened, and she doesn't answer. Gaston tells her that if she doesn't answer, they'll call the guards back (Nicholas hits him round the head), and she tells them that she used to be a servant working for the Catholics, and she overheard them saying that something that had happened at this place called Vase would happen again? And her father died there so she got scared and ran away. Or something.<br />
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Boyfriend/Carer Nicholas explains that about ten years ago, the Catholics slaughtered a bunch of Huguenots (I googled - they're basically just Protestants) in this little town Vase, a few miles south of Paris. He then handily explains a bunch more of the plot for us poor viewers while chatting up Steven a little more.<br />
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NICHOLAS: I'm afraid you have arrived in Paris at a most unfortunate time.<br />
STEVEN: I wish I understood what was going on.<br />
NICHOLAS: My dear English friend, it's really quite simple. Henri of Navarre is a Huguenot, a Protestant prince. Yesterday he married Marguerite of France, a Catholic. The marriage was arranged by the Queen Mother in the hope that it would heal the religious wound that is tearing France in two. But in the light of what that girl overheard, it looks as if the Catholics of France are plotting against Navarre's life. Do you understand?<br />
STEVEN: You might need to go over it again. At your place. With coffee. Without your clothes on. I mean, what?<br />
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Meanwhile, the Doctor has found Charles Preslin, and Charles Preslin is doing some handy explaining of his own. There's this Abbot of Aboise, who hates the apothecaries, and is hunting them all down. He's the right-hand man to the Cardinal of Lorraine, who is in Rome. The Doctor is intrigued by this and wonders if there's any point going to go see the Abbot and having a chat. Preslin strongly advises against this, and the Doctor smiles and leaves for a super-secret undisclosed location, but I bet I know where he's gonna end up.<br />
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A while later, Steven is sitting on his own in the tavern, waiting for the Doctor to come back. Simon, the dude from the beginning of the episode, has come to the tavern to try to find the little girl who ran away, and he spots Steven and goes over to try and find out what his deal is. Steven tells him that he's waiting for a friend and he's not interested, thanks, and Simon huffily replies that the curfew is coming up, Steven should be leaving soon. Steven tells him that he'll be all right, thanks, and Simon stalks off.<br />
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Enter Nicholas who, I shit you not, invites Steven back to his place because the curfew is approaching and Steven shouldn't be out here alone. You can meet your friend in the morning, Nicholas says, it only makes sense for you to come back to mine. Steven, as you'd imagine, is well up for it, and follows him out of the tavern.<br />
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Cut to the cardinal residence where Roger, the shady guy who was the one who followed the Doctor out of the tavern, is telling the Abbot of Amboise about their balls-up of letting that little girl escape. The Abbot, who is hidden in the shadows all sinister-like, taps his cane impatiently. Roger begins to poop himself a little bit, but then Simon bursts in with information of where the girl is hiding that he learnt from his little trip to the tavern. The Abbot leans forward to reveal his face and OMG, IT'S THE DOCTOR. THE DOCTOR IS THE ABBOT. HOW IS THAT EVEN A <i>THING</i>?<br />
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His French accent really is terrible, but still. Cool plot twist, man. Did not see that coming.<br />
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Moosh Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8297455493145820008.post-76058977838640348052012-11-03T23:56:00.000+00:002014-02-08T23:23:35.290+00:00The Daleks' Master Plan Part 12/12: Destruction of TimeHello and welcome to part twelve of That Fucking Dalek Serial! It has been a long time coming - I watched part one on September 19th. Today is November 3rd. I'm beginning to forget that sometimes this show has things other than dubious Dalek plotlines. I have vague memories of some chick called Vicki and another one called Katarina and my soulmate called Paris, but they're all either dead or abandoned. The names Susan, Ian and Barbara ring a bell, but I don't think I cared about them very much. At least the first Doctor has been a constant throughout this emotional turmoil, because he's a really cool character who's always in the know and is a kind and gentle soul and I like him a lot.<br />
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OH WAIT.<br />
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Sigh. Steven and Sara are being herded into a secret cave on Kembel by Mavic Chen, who pretended to be dead for two minutes and then appeared again to threaten them with a gun. The Daleks, who pretended to have left, are chilling out in said secret cave for unknown reasons. Fuck knows where the Doctor is, the last few episodes he's just been sneaking off on his own for a while. Maybe he has some personal things he's going through, idk.<br />
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Mavic Chen is starting to look a little crazy. He seems sure that the Doctor is trying to take Mavic's place in cohorts with the Daleks and is going to take Steven and Sara to the Dalek Supreme so he can get a pat on the back for foiling the plot, or something. So the three of them make it to this underground control room where the Daleks are preparing for a bunch of invading and tries to show off his excellent prisoner-capturing skills. The Daleks do not give a shit.<br />
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MAVIC CHEN: Once again, I, Mavic Chen, Guardian of the Solar System, have helped the Daleks with their conquest plan!<br />
DALEK SUPREME: Our alliance has ended.<br />
MAVIC CHEN: What? But I have helped you time and time again with your absurd incompetence! I, Mavic Chen, will decide when the Alliance is at an end.<br />
DALEKS: ...<br />
MAVIC CHEN: You, Dalek Supreme, tell them they're to take their orders from me.<br />
DALEKS: ...<br />
MAVIC CHEN: I assume that this silence means that the orders have been passed. Good. You, Dalek! Bring me the invasion reports.<br />
DALEK: ...<br />
MAVIC CHEN: It is essential that I know what stage the countdown has reached. Now, move!<br />
DALEK SUPREME: Yo, someone take this dude away and kill him, yeah? I'd do it here myself but I don't wanna fuck up my invasion equipment. Kthx.<br />
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Mavic Chen realises that, hey, maybe these machines of death actually mean business, and runs away. A few Daleks follow him, and while they're distracted, who should sneak up behind Steven and Sara but the Doctor! He gives Steven the TARDIS key and tells him to take Sara and run, head right for the TARDIS. Steven asks what the Doctor is going to do while they do that, and the Doctor smiles his crazy smile and tells him that he's gonna set off the Time Destructor. Definitely has some issues he needs to work through, man.<br />
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The Daleks exterminate Mavic Chen (cheers can be heard throughout several galaxies) and head back to the control room, where the Doctor has just activated the Time Destructor. The Daleks are pretty wary of the crazy man with the LITERAL TIME BOMB, so the Doctor makes them do what he says otherwise he'll blow shit up. Using trickery and cloaks (because Dalek floors are made of metal; if they lose contact with the floor then everything stops working), the Doctor engineers his own escape and traps all the Daleks in a room while he runs away with the Time Destructor in hand.<br />
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On his way back to the TARDIS, the Doctor bumps into Sara, who left Steven to go back and help the Doctor. The Doctor chastises her for this foolishness, but Sara says that it's cool, Steven was pretty much back at the TARDIS anyway, he'll be there waiting for them.<br />
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UNFORTUNATELY, the Time Destructor, being activated and all, is starting to destroy time. There's a crazy wind a-brewin' and the Doctor and Sara are beginning to age like crazy.<br />
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They make it a good way, but they get in pretty bad shape, both falling to the floor and pulling themselves along. But then LUCKILY they turn a corner and find themselves in the clearing where the TARDIS is! Steven, who was inside the TARDIS and watching the crazy shit happening outside on the scanner, is pretty happy to see them, and rushes outside.<br />
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Fucking hellllll, so the forest has just turned into a bunch of dust now, and before Steven can get to Sara and the Doctor, Sara DIES OF OLD AGE and TURNS INTO A SKELETON which then COLLAPSES INTO DUST, which is terrible, because she was my new favourite character. Shit. RIP, Sara Kingdom, your bloodthirsty badassery will live on in our hearts.<br />
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Steven, whose hair is getting a little grey, fiddles desperately with the Time Destructor, trying to make it stop forcing death on them all. After a while he gives up and throws it aside, and hurries over to the prone figure of the Doctor. The Doctor is barely conscious, but manages to shove Steven towards the TARDIS and stagger after him.<br />
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Once inside, it turns out Steven's pressing of random buttons actually started reversing time instead of accelerating it, so things aren't all bad! Except Sara is just scattered particles and will REMAIN SO, god.<br />
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Suddenly, Daleks. Steven and the Doctor are now inside the TARDIS, safe from the Time Destructor's effects, but the Daleks, not so much. They start firing their egg whisks at the Time Destructor, trying to turn it off, but that doesn't seem to be working. The Time Destructor works its reversey magic on them, and they start falling apart, their outsides collapsing and showing off the tentacley insides and then THOSE turn into dust and that scatters in the crazy wind like the Saradust did and golly gosh. I don't really know how the Daleks planned on using this thing to take over the Universe, but there's no denying it's a powerful bit of space junk.<br />
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After a while, the Taranium inside the Time Destructor runs out, and the Doctor and Steven emerge from the TARDIS.<br />
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DOCTOR: Mavic Chen's Taranium Core has finally burnt itself out.<br />
STEVEN: I wish Sara could have seen the end.<br />
DOCTOR: Yes, my boy, so do I. You know, Steven, the one thing that Sara lived for was to see the total destruction of the Daleks. Well, now it's all over. Without her help, this could never have been achieved, hmm?<br />
STEVEN: Yeah. <br />
DOCTOR: Look! Millions of years of progress reversed back - that's all that remains of a Dalek!<br />
STEVEN: Lets go, Doctor. I've seen enough of this place.<br />
DOCTOR: Well, my boy, we finally rid this planet of Daleks!<br />
STEVEN: STOP BEING SO HAPPY ABOUT ALL THIS DEATH, FUCK.<br />
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It's done! We made it! There were casualties on the way, it's true, but every great journey has risks. Was it worth it? Not really. But we never have to do this again. The rest of season three has a bunch of four-parter episodes, and they are wonderful things. I will see you with the first episode of the next serial - The Massacre - tomorrow. With a name like that, we're definitely in for a more cheerful time, am I right?<br />
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This show, Jesus.<br />
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MooshUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8297455493145820008.post-68054816657900398852012-11-02T23:58:00.000+00:002014-02-08T23:19:47.398+00:00The Daleks' Master Plan Part 11/12: The Abandoned PlanetThe Doctor stole a thing from his fellow Time Lord to make his TARDIS not shit any more! Said other Time Lord, the Monk, is now stuck bouncing aimlessly through time and space, and the Doctor, Steven and Sara are trying to fix up the Doctor's TARDIS but are getting a little bit blown up for their troubles. The Daleks and Mavic Chen have the hunk of Taranium that they've been after for the entire course of the serial, and are going to use it to power a Time Destructor that will make them leaders of the universe or something idk.<br />
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Turns out, though, the Doctor, Steven and Sara are not as blown up as we thought! Bad news, though: the directional unit has completely melted down. Looks like the TARDIS is staying shit for a little while longer, and also they have no way of getting back to Kembel. The Daleks are gonna take over the universe and everyone is just going to have to deal with it.<br />
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Oh, but, hang on, they check out the scanners to see if there's a Dalek time machine kicking around that they could maybe steal, and they're not in Egypt any more. They're in KEMBEL, FANCY THAT. The directional unit was one trip only, so yeah the TARDIS is still shit, but also there's a chance of taking down the Daleky overlords. How convenient.<br />
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In Dalek HQ, the Taranium is being fitted into the Time Destructor. The other galaxy representatives are getting really sick of Mavic Chen's shit and, ooh! Celation is back! Remember, the dude who was laughing when the Daleks exterminated another galaxy rep back in <a href="http://mooshwatcheswho.blogspot.co.uk/2012/10/the-daleks-master-plan-part-812-volcano.html">episode 8</a>? I don't think I ever included a picture of him, he's probably my favourite alien so far.<br />
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Celation is REALLY not happy that Mavic Chen is still kicking around, and is even more pissed off that Mavic is privy to more of the Daleks' plan than the other representatives, because he hangs out with the Daleks so much. Mavic Chen is all, 'SFTU, ur just jealous because I'm the Dalek Supreme's favurit' and all the galaxy reps go mental. Mavic Chen takes out his gun and shoots one.</div>
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Things quieten down a little (the Dalek Supreme sneaked away during the crazy) but Celation is still not on Team Mavic Chen, surprisingly.</div>
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CELATION: We have all served the common cause! All of us!</div>
MAVIC CHEN: Indeed we have. But I, Mavic Chen, was solely responsible for the recovery of the Core of the Time Destructor. Because of this, I naturally precede anyone here. For without my power, the Daleks cannot succeed. You do appreciate the point!<br />
CELATION: There remains one question. Where is our co-ruler, the Dalek Supreme?<br />
MAVIC CHEN: He - he was... Oh. Er. It is clear that he knows that I can run this council without his aid!<br />
DALEK: It's clear you're an irritating prick that none of us like, actually. Shit is about to go down, guys, brace yourselves for some Dalek action! :D <br />
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In the forest, Steven and Sara are complaining about having to traipse through the jungle. Steven warns Sara to watch out for the Varga plants, to which she replies, '... what Varga plants?' because there are NONE AROUND. They look at each other and are like, 'Dude, are we actually even ON Kembel?', and then figure that the Doctor was pretty sure so they're almost definitely on Kembel, right, Doctor? Only the Doctor has disappeared, so.<br />
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Steven and Sara decide that, well, okay, the Doctor has probably gone to the Dalek HQ, so they should probably go too. After a little bickering, they do that and when they get there, everywhere is deserted. They wander into the control room, which is also empty, and stumble upon the Daleks' time machine and decide to make sure they stay undercover and not-exterminated by using the LOUDSPEAKER to tell the Daleks to send the Doctor to the control room. Um, okay, guys, good work.<br />
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Oh, see, I was thinking that maybe Sara and Steven were on Kembel but were just in a different time, but not so much. Mavic Chen, who has been herded into a cell with the other galaxy representatives, replies to the broadcast on the intercom system that apparently the Daleks have. <br />
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Celation and the other alien dudes drag Mavic Chen away from the speaker because they don't like him having fun in any way, and tell Steven and Sara that they are the Galactic Council! And they're locked in a detention cell! And could you please come and let us out, Steven, we are so trapped and helpless. And Steven FUCKING AGREES. COME ON, MAN, I KNOW YOU'RE ADORABLE AND DIM BUT THIS IS ANOTHER LEVEL.<br />
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God, and then Sara joins in. Sara I expected better of you. They find the cell where all the galaxy reps are, and Steven demands to know where the Doctor is. The representatives are adamant that they don't know, and Steven almost refuses to let them out, but then they all insist that they want to take down the Daleks because they have been betrayed and Sara is all for any and all acts of violence that would occur, so that happens. Brilliant. You guys are doing really well this episode. Con-grat-u-lations.<br />
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Everyone seems to be in agreement that due to the facts that (a) the Daleks have the Taranium and (b) they have disappeared off somewhere, that they're probably already making a start on all the invading they planned on doing. To this end, the galaxy representatives decide that they're all going to go back to their own parts of the universe and warn their people of the oncoming Dalek shitstorm.<br />
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Steven and Sara stand outside watching everyone take off in their own little spaceships. They all get off just fine, except Mavic Chen, whose spaceship explodes, which is unfortunate for him, but good news for everyone else because that guy was one hell of a douchenozzle. Hilariously, Steven's reaction is pretty much, 'Oh well. Best go find the Doctor then, hey?'<br />
<br />
But then what do they happen to see but a Dalek sneaking off to an UNDERGROUND LAIR. I'm sure this is meant to be very intriguing and all but oh my god I am so ready for this serial to end. Where is the Doctor and why do the other characters care about finding him because he's actually really shit. Why was the TARDIS good for all of three minutes. Why do they keep killing off/abandoning my favourite characters. I have all sorts of problems with this show, geez.<br />
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I mean, back to the actual episode: Steven and Sara follow the Dalek (obviously) and then Mavic Chen appears because he's not actually dead and nobody CARES oh my god. He's still as much of a prick as he ever was.<br />
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STEVEN: The representatives gone and the Doctor disappeared - we're gonna have to put them out of action ourselves or Earth will still be invaded.<br />
MAVIC CHEN: Certainly! Thanks to you.<br />
SARA: Chen! But you're dead!<br />
MAVIC CHEN: Not yet, my innocent one, though I'm delighted my pyrotechnic display impressed you. No, I am alive and soon shall be master of the universe! Perhaps, Kingdom, you'd like to lead the way.<br />
SARA: Perhaps, Chen, you'd like to suck my dick. I am so done with this bullshit.<br />
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Next - and FINAL!!!1! - episode of The Daleks' Master Plan tomorrow! <br />
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MooshUnknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8297455493145820008.post-1696728035821729092012-11-01T20:40:00.000+00:002014-02-08T23:13:28.492+00:00The Daleks' Master Plan Part 10/12: Escape SwitchIt is ANCIENT EGYPT and Steven and Sara have stumbled upon the Doctor's TARDIS in this cavey, tomby place. Coincidentally, it is also the place the Doctor and the Monk had an as-of-yet unnamed showdown, where the Doctor went a little batshit. Dunno where either the Monk and the Doctor are right now, but there's a mummy emerging from a sarcophagus so that's almost definitely one or the other of them. Also there are Daleks kicking around somewhere with their homie Mavic Chen. It's all happening. Crazy shit going down. Etc.<br />
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Sara notices the mummy and goes a little pale; Steven remains wonderfully level-headed and goes over and just unwraps the bandages to reveal the MONK, who is grateful to be unravelled. He tells them how mental the Doctor went and how all he wanted to do was to warn them about the Daleks. Steven and Sara look at him suspiciously and ask him where the Doctor went. The Monk says he doesn't know, he's innocent in all this, he just popped to Egypt for a bit of sightseeing; the others ignore him and wonder whether they should go find the Doctor or just wait there for him to come back.<br />
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STEVEN: Well then, what do we do? Go out again and take a chance on missing him? Or just stay here?<br />
SARA: If he meets the Daleks, he will need our help.<br />
MONK: Stay here. Definitely. I've... got a terrible headache.<br />
STEVEN: What happens if we meet them?<br />
SARA: We'll just have to take that chance.<br />
MONK: No doubt the Doctor has got some - drug or other?<br />
STEVEN: All right, we'll go, but I won't even pretend that I like the idea.<br />
MONK: Maybe you guys should give me the TARDIS key and I'll wait in there just in case he comes back? And I can look for, um, medicine. For my headache.<br />
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Steven tells the Monk to STFU, they couldn't let him into the TARDIS even if they wanted to cos the Doctor is the only one with a key. The Monk is disappointed and grudgingly agrees to join them on the Doctor hunt. <br />
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Because Steven is a little slow, he rushes outside and immediately starts shouting the Doctor's name. Obviously, there are other people hanging around, namely Mavic Chen and the Daleks, and they have ears too. It doesn't take long before the Daleks descend on the gang, and the Monk tries to talk his way out of the situation by saying that they shouldn't kill him because he has fulfilled his part of the bargain! Mavic Chen holds out a sassy little hand for the Taranium core and the Monk says that he doesn't have the Taranium core, exactly, but he did bring along some hostages!<br />
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Steven calls bullshit, but Mavic Chen figures that this could work! The Doctor would definitely swap the Taranium for the lives of his little human friends, so they have a new plan! The Monk congratulates himself on his mad thinkin' skillz.<br />
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They're all herded over to the Daleks' time machine, and the Daleks wheel around setting up this long-range loudspeaker so they can taunt the Doctor out of hiding. Meanwhile, the Monk sidles up to Steven and Sara and tries to make small talk. Steven and Sara are understandably incredulous at this, but the Monk is all, 'You're welcome for me saving your lives just now, jeez.' He has so much nerve, it's brilliant. I think I like him.<br />
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Mavic Chen heads on over to the loudspeaker and makes the appropriate threatening statements about what'll happen to the companions should the Doctor fail to show up with the Taranium. The Doctor, who wears a hat now (hats are c--no, I can't do it, I'm sorry), hears this and has a little think.<br />
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It doesn't take him long to make a decision; he pops right on over to where the Daleks are hanging out and tries to negotiate with them. The Daleks are pretty fucking desperate for that Taranium, as they don't exterminate the shit out of him when he's obnoxious and annoying - instead, they agree to the Doctor's terms, which are to bring the prisoners and meet at the corner of the Great Pyramid.<br />
<br />
So that happens, and the Doctor makes the handover as dramatic and irritating as possible. Mavic Chen gets the Taranium, and all of a sudden the Egyptian locals, who've been kicking around a little throughout the course of the episode, descend on the Daleks and start attacking them. Most of them get exterminated no problem, but the one of them falls down dead right in front of a Dalek. The other Egyptians see this and just build a little circle of bricks around the edge of the Dalek so it can't move. Brilliant.<br />
<br />
While the Daleks are getting embarrassed over their fatal flaw, the Doctor, Steven and Sara meet up in the tomb where the TARDIS is. The Doctor breaks the news that, actually, he just gave Mavic Chen the real Taranium because there wasn't time to make a better plan, so the last nine episodes were completely pointless. But! He also stole the directional unit from the Monk's TARDIS! They can decide where they want to go now! This is VERY EXCITING NEWS.<br />
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The Monk is less pleased with this development. He's just discovered that his TARDIS now looks like a police box so the Daleks are going to follow him through time if anything goes wrong with the Taranium, and also when he dematerialises he ends up on a PLANET OF ICE, which is definitely not where he wanted to be. There's a dramatic moment where he looks up to the sky, shakes his fist and does a 'DOCTORRRRR!' shout, which made me laugh. Probs won't be seeing him again any time soon, is my point.<br />
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In the Doctor's TARDIS, the Doctor casually mentions that there's actually a very slim chance of the Monk's directional unit being compatible with their TARDIS. There are two ways this could go, he says. One, everything will be fine and they can programme in where they want to go and it's all lovely. But also two, the more likely option, everything is going to explode. So.<br />
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With this in mind, he cheerfully switches the TARDIS engines on and fires that bad boy up. Three guesses what happens.<br />
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Gonna try and watch an episode a day for the whole of November, something that I'm almost positive will not last the entire month, but chances are I'll see you tomorrow and Saturday so we can FINALLY BE DONE WITH THIS SERIAL OH MY GOD.<br />
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Moosh Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8297455493145820008.post-11899141180237021832012-10-31T22:19:00.000+00:002014-02-08T23:10:06.211+00:00The Daleks' Master Plan Part 9/12: Golden DeathSo the TARDIS has started bouncing through time and everyone's having a lot of fun. I don't really know what their goal is, exactly; Sara wants to go back to Kembel and blow everything up, but, like... they can't control where the TARDIS goes. So. <br />
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The DALEKS, however, they've got time travel down, so they're sending off a time machine (with Mavic Chen in it) to follow the TARDIS around the time-space continuum. The first place the TARDIS stops is Egypt next to some pyramids. The lock on the TARDIS door is still a bit dodgy, so the Doctor wants to fix that before they do anything else. Steven is put on lookout duty so he can keep an eye out for the Monk's TARDIS following them (so the Monk can control his? Just nick that one, Doctor, surely. Or, if it's not the TARDIS that is the problem, learn how to DRIVE IT).<br />
<br />
And lo and behold, after five minutes on the lookout, Steven sees something! We lucky viewers are fully aware that the thing Steven is looking at isn't a meddlin' Monk, but is in fact a Dalek ship, but obviously adorably slow Steven takes a few minutes to reach the same conclusions.<br />
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STEVEN: Well, it didn't work this time, did it?<br />
SARA: What hasn't?<br />
STEVEN: The Monk's TARDIS. It usually blends in with it's surroundings like the Doctor's should.<br />
SARA: Maybe the Monk didn't bother this time.<br />
STEVEN: Also the Monk seems to be dressed as a Dalek, I wonder what that's about? Do you reckon there's a costume party? It is Halloween. <br />
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Steven and Sara, once they figure out this little logic puzzle, rush to go tell the Doctor about their new visitors. But alas! Before they can do that they are brutally attacked by some Egyptian locals. Sara, bless her, tries really hard to take them down, but she's knocked out before she can start shooting everything. <br />
<br />
But then the locals see Mavic Chen and the Daleks and assume that they're all part of the same group of intruders. They go to attack them, and the Daleks obviously waste no time in killing them all. There's a good bit of dialogue that actually makes me appreciate the Daleks as an enemy for once:<br />
<br />
DALEK 1: Did we sustain damage?<br />
DALEK 2: No. It was only inhabitants of this time and planet.<br />
DALEK 3: Unimportant.<br />
DALEK 2: Exterminate them on sight.<br />
<br />
Oooh. Chilling. Meanwhile, the Monk finally shows up. The Doctor sees his TARDIS land (in the shape of a big pyramid brick, cos it has a chameleon circuit that actually works), and realises that the ship that he heard land a while ago must have been DALEKS! Oh no! Shit! Curses! Gosh and golly! <br />
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But instead of doing anything about this, the Doctor just casually follows the Monk - who has emerged from his TARDIS in the middle of ancient Egypt wearing MIRRORED SUNGLASSES I shit you not.<br />
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The shades aren't giving the Monk a lot of luck, though; he runs into Mavic Chen and the Daleks pretty quickly. The Daleks are all ready to exterminate the crap out of him, but Mavic Chen stops them. Pretty coincidental to have three time machines all landing in the same spot, Mavic Chen says, so chances are you know the dude we're after, amirite? The Monk is all, 'Well, 'know' is a pretty strong word,' but Mavic Chen charges him with becoming BFFs with the Doctor and tricking him out of the Taranium anyway. The Monk eyes the Daleks a little before agreeing that he can definitely do that, yeah. <br />
<br />
The Monk then goes back to his TARDIS to grab an energy tracker so he can find the Doctor and his homebros, and then when he leaves again, the Doctor (who has been watching him the whole time) creeps right on in to the Monk's TARDIS, switches the outside to look like a 1960's police telephone box, then breaks off the chameleon circuit and wanders right back outside. <br />
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Meanwhile, Steven and Sara are tied up in some dusty room somewhere. Sara, because she's freakin' awesome, has found a bit of broken pottery to cut through their rope, and then shouts out to bring the guards into the room. The guards come in and she promptly dusts them off no problem. Steven is reminded of the <a href="http://mooshwatcheswho.blogspot.co.uk/search/label/galaxy%204">sexy Drahvins</a> and crosses his legs to avoid tenting.<br />
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The local Egyptians have moved the Doctor's TARDIS into a tomb, and the Monk (and the Doctor, who is following him) finds it with his little energy tracker device thing. The Doctor comes out from behind the doorway and is all, 'Oh, cool, my TARDIS! Thanks for leading me to it, bro!' The Monk laughs weakly and says that, you know, these things can actually change what they look like to fit with their surroundings and if you want, Doctor, we can both go inside your TARDIS and I can show you how to do that. The Doctor laughs in his face and says he saw the Monk with the Daleks. The Monk tries to play it cool.<br />
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MONK: Do you know, I knew there was something I had to tell you. I've come here to warn you about the Daleks. I played them along their own game for quite a time but they don't like you, you know. They don't like you at all.<br />
DOCTOR: Why didn't you?<br />
MONK: What?<br />
DOCTOR: Warn me.<br />
MONK: Oh... well. You were talking at the time. I didn't want to interrupt.<br />
DOCTOR: Well, shit, I'm convinced.<br />
<br />
Instead of giving the Monk a nice little tour of the TARDIS, the Doctor instead... well, he goes a little mental, I dunno what to tell you. He starts brandishing his walking stick at the Monk and laughing manically. It's a little concerning for everyone involved, and the scene cuts away before you find out what he's up to. The Monk looks shit scared, though. <br />
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We're then back with Sara and Steven, who are kicking around the tomb entrance looking for the Doctor and the TARDIS. They find the TARDIS and figure, hey, the Doctor must be around here somewhere, so they start shouting his name, when all of a sudden the tomb lid opens and a bandaged hand emerges from inside. WHAT COULD THIS MEAN?<br />
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Clearly the BBC knew that I'd be watching this episode on Halloween. Good work on the time travel, there, Beeb.<br />
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MooshUnknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8297455493145820008.post-34468309435431306042012-10-24T17:21:00.000+01:002014-02-08T23:04:37.197+00:00The Daleks' Master Plan Part 8/12: VolcanoThere is no way I can sum up what happened last episode in one handy little introductory paragraph. Thankfully, I'm pretty sure all you need to know is that Steven, Sara and the Doctor are in the TARDIS, drinking heavily. Although maybe the drinking isn't too important. I imagine the Dalek stuff is still happening, but there was pretty much no mention of it last episode, so maybe not! Maybe we don't still have FIVE EPISODES of this serial left to go! (But I am not too hopeful of that.)<br />
<br />
All right so we are straight back into serious business Dalek action! I get the impression that this is the BBC's way of reminding us that, while absolutely mental things are allowed to happen at Christmas, this show is still British, and must be taken seriously at all other times.<br />
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The Daleks are finally getting round to testing the lump of fake Taranium that Steven gave them a couple episodes ago, back when he was a zombie. Mavic Chen (GUARDIAN OF THE SOLAR SYSTEM) is having a chat with two other Galaxy Representatives, Celation and Trantis. Celation and Trantis are a little pissy because it was residents of Earth that nicked off with the Taranium in the first place, and Mavic Chen gets all defensive and tells them that only two of them were humans! And they were under the influence of an evil creature from another galaxy! Celation and Trantis scoff and say, well, he looked human enough, and Mavic Chen tells them that the Daleks know of him, he's some kind of time and space traveller. So that's the first indication we've had that the Daleks know who the Doctor is and that's kind of cool.<br />
<br />
The Daleks interrupt them and are all like, "Yo dudes we're gonna need a person to fire the Time Destructor at to make sure that it's working," and then select Trantis as the lucky recipient of that honour. So they bung him into a room and fire this thing at him and Trantis flinches away from it and Mavic Chen and Celation laugh at him.<br />
<br />
MAVIC CHEN: So, that's what's supposed to happen. A kind of abject insanity.<br />
CELATION: I do not know, though I always thought Trantis was a little unstable anyway.<br />
TRANTIS: THIS WAS NOT IN THE 'TAKE OVER THE UNIVERSE' CONTRACT THAT I SIGNED. I WANT TO SEE A LAWYER.<br />
<br />
The Time Destructor obviously doesn't work and everyone immediately glares accusingly at Mavic Chen, who shits himself only a little bit and blames the time travellers! And the Daleks! And it definitely wasn't his fault, guys, really! The Daleks consider this and instead of killing him, make him wait there while they get a time machine sent to Kembel (the planet their HQ is on) from Skaro (the Dalek home planet), and they kill Trantis instead. Trantis is displeased by how his life has turned out.<br />
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Inside the TARDIS, there's a scanner showing that something is following them, though they don't know what. Sara immediately says that they have to go back to Kembel to BLOW ALL THE DALEK SHIPS UP just in case it's them, the Doctor tells her to calm her murderous urges and instead starts bouncing through time. They land briefly in the middle of an England-v-Australia cricket game on Earth (is there any other kind of cricket game on Earth?), which none of them understand at all, and then dematerialise and show up again on a planet called Tigus, where there are volcanoes erupting everywhere, and at which point the dot showing that someone was following them disappears.<br />
<br />
SARA: It's stopped.<br />
STEVEN: What does that mean, Doctor? Have we shaken it off?<br />
DOCTOR: No, my boy, we haven't shaken them off. Whoever it was following us has landed, they've landed out there.<br />
SARA: Cool! Then we can kill them, right? Just a little bit of death? I haven't murdered anything for like three episodes, I'm boooooored.<br />
<br />
And it turns out the thing that was following them wasn't the Daleks at all, it was the Monk! The Time Lord from the end of series 2 that the Doctor trapped in 1066! THAT'S REALLY COOL. What's not so cool, apart from the magma going mental over the surface of the planet, is that despite the fact that (a) the surface of Tigus is MADE OF VOLCANOES and (b) they know someone who was chasing them has landed on the planet, the Doctor, Sara and Steven LEAVE THE TARDIS and go to check out the environment.<br />
<br />
While the three idiots are off being idiotic, the Monk sneaks over to the TARDIS and does something to the lock.<br />
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After that's done, he goes to find the Doctor and his companions to have a little showdown and to laugh at how now THEY'RE the trapped ones so see how they like THAT.<br />
<br />
The Monk clears off and the gang go back to the TARDIS to see what's what and they find themselves locked out. Steven and the Doctor get into yet ANOTHER little fight as Steven tries to pick the lock and it doesn't work, then the Doctor holds his ring to the lock and it glows and then everything's fine again? Steven asks what just happened, exactly, and as the Doctor is wise and full of knowledge, he kindly shares his wisdom with the young inquiring minds that he's travelling with.<br />
<br />
STEVEN: How did you break that lock?<br />
THE DOCTOR: Oh, that's all very simple, dear boy. You see, the sun in that particular galaxy has very unusual powers. I merely reflected its powers through that ring. The combined forces of that sun together with the stone in that ring was sufficient enough to correct the Monk's interference.<br />
STEVEN: Yes, but what properties does it have?<br />
THE DOCTOR: Now, I don't want to discuss this any more. About turn, and do as you're told. Go along.<br />
<br />
Smooth, Doc, well done.<br />
<br />
The TARDIS takes off again and lands on New Year's Day, 1966, (the Doctor, Steven and Sara all don't know what New Year's Day is) but back on Kembel, the Daleks now know where the TARDIS is and are preparing to follow it! There's a cool bit where the countdown to midnight on Earth matches the countdown to the Dalek ship taking off and then it is READY AND BEGINS THE PURSUIT.<br />
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<br />
Aaaand end credits! The title of the next episode is 'Golden Death', which Sara should be a fan of, and hopefully this is going to be the last stretch of this serial before it ends. (The Daleks' Master Plan is the longest serial of Doctor Who, don't worry, we'll never have to do this again.) Excited to see how this GRIPPING EPIC concludes. <br />
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Moosh Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8297455493145820008.post-63783208620444041742012-10-21T22:34:00.003+01:002014-02-08T23:00:22.391+00:00The Daleks' Master Plan Part 7/12: The Feast of StevenThe Doctor, Steven and Sara Kingdom have flown away in the TARDIS after giving the Daleks a fake hunk of Taranium for their machine of death and destruction. They have no idea where they are because the scanner is broken - the only thing they know is that the atmosphere outside the TARDIS is poisonous. "So dematerialise and go somewhere else!" you may be thinking. No, I know, that would make sense. But the first Doctor is kind of dumb, so they're all just gonna stay there for a while.<br />
<br />
But we are not hanging out with them right now, we're in a police yard with three police dudes. <a href="http://dwtpscripts.tripod.com/1stdoc/v/v07.html">The script</a> mentions the fact that they're Liverpudlian several times, but in reality their accents are barely even Generic Northern. Don't worry, BBC, I know enough southerners to understand that you guys can't tell us apart. I don't blame you. (Racists.)<br />
<br />
The Scouse Bobbies are singing and - wait, seriously? They're singing Good King Wenceslas. Okay. Well. That's the title of the episode out of the way with, isn't it. And it's a Christmas special! How nice. (I just looked it up - it was actually a Christmas episode! Aired December 25th, 1965. Our last 1965 episode too oh gosh all kinds of cool things are happening today.)<br />
<br />
All three of Scouse Bobbies are taken by surprise when they see a shiny new police box sitting in the yard (and it warms me a little to remember that police boxes were just an ordinary thing in England back when this aired); Scouse Sergeant sets his two Scouse minions to watch it just in case it... does something, and he goes off to... fetch someone? I dunno, he didn't really explain himself. <br />
<br />
Back inside the TARDIS, the Doctor and Steven are arguing again because the Doctor wants to go outside to fix the scanner despite the TERRIBLE AIRBORNE POISON.<br />
<br />
STEVEN: And just why, if it isn't safe for us, is it safe for you?<br />
DOCTOR: Will neither of you understand?<br />
SARA: For heaven's sake, let's go and fix the scanner!<br />
DOCTOR: No! Where you come from, in both places, the air is pure. Outside there is the worst kind of pollution I've met in years!<br />
VIEWER: ... I think I see where this is going. That IS racist. Kinda.<br />
<br />
So the Doctor leaves the TARDIS and runs right into Scouse Bobby 1. He nods and says, "Good evening," and goes right back inside the TARDIS again; Scouse Bobby 1 automatically replies with a "Good evening," before he realises that a person has just emerged from the empty police box he was supposed to be guarding. He makes a noise of surprise and his friend comes over to ask what the deal is. Also I dunno whether this is legitimately funny or if I'm just enjoying the accents, but I laughed so much at this exchange:<br />
<br />
SCOUSE BOBBY 2: What's up?<br />
SCOUSE BOBBY 1: See that?<br />
SCOUSE BOBBY 2: See what?<br />
SCOUSE BOBBY 1: That then!<br />
SCOUSE BOBBY 2: What when?<br />
SCOUSE BOBBY 1: That door!<br />
SCOUSE BOBBY 2: That door?<br />
SCOUSE BOBBY 1: It opened!<br />
SCOUSE BOBBY 2: Did it?<br />
SCOUSE BOBBY 1: There's a bloke in there.<br />
SCOUSE BOBBY 2: Oh, aye?<br />
<br />
They sound like they're trying to be the Chuckle Brothers omg (and I realise how inaccessible this entire post is going to be to anyone who is not from a place in England anywhere north of Birmingham and I am sorry for that but let me enjoy my cultural heritage please and thank you).<br />
<br />
Back inside the TARDIS, there's another good moment! The Doctor has told Steven and Sara that he saw some police, and Sara doesn't understand. The Doctor spells the word out for her, and she's all, "Oh cool! We're on your planet!" because they don't have policemen on Earth in the 41st century and it says the word 'POLICE' on the outside of the TARDIS. That's really adorable.<br />
<br />
So the Doctor says he's going to go back outside to distract the northerners and Steven and Sara should wait a while then go out and fix the scanner. Steven reminds him that he said they shouldn't leave the TARDIS because of the atmosphere, and the Doctor is all like, "WELL I GUESS I SHOULD GO BACK OUTSIDE NOW LOL," and leaves. And then is immediately arrested by the Scouse Bobbies. <br />
<br />
Man, I wonder if this episode had a different writer to the ones before it in the serial, because it keeps making me laugh, whereas I've been pretty unimpressed with the rest of The Daleks' Master Plan; this is almost definitely not relevant to the plot at all, but when the Doctor is escorted into the station, there's a dude at the desk talking to Scouse Sergeant.<br />
<br />
DUDE: I've got a complaint.<br />
SCOUSE SERGEANT: Well, the doctor's is just round the corner.<br />
DUDE: No, no, no, no...I mean, I want to make a complaint. They keep moving me 'ouse.<br />
<br />
So there's a fun but irrelevant moment for you. It's nice that I'm recording all the important bits so I can summarise the plot quickly and concisely.<br />
<br />
Scouse Bobby 2 takes the Doctor into a room for questioning, and the Doctor just is not taking things seriously, telling the Scouse Bobby that he's a "citizen of the Universe and a gentleman" when he's asked whereabouts he's from.<br />
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Someone else who is not taking things seriously is Steven, as he just crept out of the TARDIS, stole a police uniform, and is now talking to the Scouse Sergeant in a legitimate Liverpudlian accent oh my GOD, STEVEN.<br />
<br />
Steven manages to convince all the Scouse Bobbies (still speaking in his new and wonderful accent) that the Doctor is a crazy man that his division of policemen are used to. Because it's Christmas, the Scouse Bobbies are inclined to be more lenient towards crazy people trying to live inside police boxes, so they let Steven and the Doctor go. But then in the yard they all walk into Sara, who is messing with the outside of the TARDIS trying to fix the scanner. There's a bit of a kerfuffle, which ends in Sara getting frustrated and just elbowing a bunch of policemen in the stomach because she's fantastic, and the Doctor, Steven and Sara rush into the TARDIS and take off before the Scouse Bobbies can do anything.<br />
<br />
The TARDIS lands again, still on Earth, and the gang take a quick look on the scanner to see where they're at. The console room is suddenly filled with the sounds of a woman screaming and a man laughing evilly so they rush outside to see what's going on. There's an American guy with a moustache (can never trust a man with a moustache) who's enthusing about how now nobody will ever find out about his plan! The woman is tied to a conveyor and is moving steadily towards a circular saw and screaming her head off. Understandable, given the circumstances.<br />
<br />
Obviously Steven, Sara and the Doctor rush straight in to help the woman and then some OTHER guy yells, "Cut!" It was a scene from a movie the whole time! Crazy. The actors go absolutely bonkers that their scene was ruined and some security people start chasing after Sara, Steven and the Doctor. Because the BBC were going mental for this episode, it then turns into a silent movie kind of deal?<br />
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And then Charlie Chaplain is there and oh god, you drank way too much sherry this episode, BBC.<br />
<br />
All three of them get split up; Steven, still wearing his Scouse Bobby uniform, is mistaken for an actor, as is Sara, who is on a completely different set. And then the Doctor is mistaken for a professor of Arabian customs to help out at the set that Sara is hiding in a trunk from and gosh, this is definitely a little different from the Dalek action we have seen so far this serial.<br />
<br />
But, to be fair, the Doctor is actually being really good this episode. I'm liking him! <br />
<br />
DIRECTOR DUDE: This is a rich Sheik's tent.<br />
DOCTOR: Oh, yes, and who's this?<br />
DIRECTOR DUDE: She's an Arabian princess.<br />
DOCTOR: Nonsense! You put some more clothes on, child. Go along.<br />
<br />
The Doctor then stumbles into the trunk that Sara's hiding in and asks what it is; Sara climbs out of it and the director dude is all, "Dude you should be in the harem scene right now what are you doing this trunk," and then the Doctor and Sara run away.<br />
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Steven, as it turns out, was just hanging around in the wardrobe department and they run into him pretty quickly. The three of them stumble back into the set they first arrived in (the girl playing the chick tied to the conveyor goes mad when she sees them again) and then the security dudes chase them AGAIN and there's jaunty piano music accompanying all this, obviously, and the Doctor bumps into a clown and has a little chat with him and Steven and Sara run through the scene with the Sheik and the harem and the clown is complaining about Charlie Chaplin and this is a DALEK EPISODE, guys, I just thought I'd remind everyone of that.<br />
<br />
Steven and Sara eventually reappear and the Doctor scoots them all into the TARDIS and they dematerialise, leaving all the movie guys trying to figure out what kind of special effect was used to make that happen.<br />
<br />
Oh my GOD and then - okay, no, listen - then inside the TARDIS, the Doctor breaks out the booze and is all, "Well, it's Christmas!" and Sara and Steven do not complain and help themselves to the alcohol and THEN the Doctor TURNS TO THE CAMERA and says, "And a happy Christmas to all of you at home!"<br />
<br />
HE TURNS TO THE CAMERA.<br />
<br />
AND TELLS THE VIEWERS TO HAVE A HAPPY CHRISTMAS. <br />
<br />
DOCTOR WHO, OH MY GOD.<br />
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Also, here's a cool thing that I found out today: there's <a href="http://tardis.wikia.com/wiki/The_Only_Good_Dalek_%28comic_story%29">a graphic novel</a> based around Eleven and Amy where they land in a forest of Varga plants and mention Bret and Sara. It's finding out stuff like this that made me want to watch Classic Who in the first place. VERY COOL. <br />
<br />
But also he spoke to the CAMERA. I bet you TEN ENGLISH POUNDS that that wasn't scripted and it was just Hartnell being his weird unprofessional self.<br />
<br />
MooshUnknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8297455493145820008.post-41485606054048130072012-10-16T20:40:00.001+01:002014-02-08T22:53:19.488+00:00The Daleks' Master Plan Part 6/12: Coronas of the SunSooo right now we're on Planet Mira with Steven, the Doctor, Sara Kingdom and Daleks, who have just surrounded the Doctor and co. Bret is dead because Sara shot him and also it turns out Sara is Bret's SISTER and who even saw that coming because I did not. Also, the Daleks are still after this crazy powerful hunk of the element Taranium that the Doctor stole from them, and they're planning to take over the universe, or something. The Guardian of the Solar System, Mavic Chen, and his creepy henchman Karlton are working with the Daleks but no one from Earth knows about it and I think we're pretty much all caught up so let's get watching some Who.<br />
<br />
The Daleks demand that the Doctor hand over the Taranium. The Doctor tries really, really hard to talk his way out of it, but One just does not have the charm that other incarnations do.<br />
<br />
DALEK: You will hand over the Taranium.<br />
DOCTOR: If I do, you gotta promise not to shoot us, man.<br />
DALEK: ... nah, we'll probably shoot you either way, actually. Give us the Taranium.<br />
DOCTOR: Aha, see! You don't want to shoot us because we have the Taranium and something might happen! How about we solve this little problem by--<br />
DALEK: Yo, Dalek homies, everyone get in a line so we can exterminate this idiot.<br />
DOCTOR: You look... pretty today? :D?<br />
<br />
The Daleks all duly get into their favoured killing positions, but before their plungers and egg whisks can see any action, the invisible inhabitants of the planet start attacking them. The Daleks turn around and set about killing everything in... well, not everything in sight, but. They kill all the creatures, anyway. By the time that's over, though, the Doctor, Sara and Steven have sneaked away from the massacre, as you probably would in that situation, so good call there.<br />
<br />
Except they sneak away to the Dalek spaceship, and the Doctor strolls right on over to the Dalek standing guard and tells him that they're giving themselves up. Probably recognising that he should really work on his skills of talking his way out of shit situations, the Doctor tries valiantly to engage the Dalek in conversation (at one point, he calls the Dalek "my tin friend", which is fantastic), while Steven oh-so-casually moves behind the Dalek and plants a mud pie right onto its eyestalk.<br />
<br />
With the Guard Dalek thus incapacitated, the three of them head right on into the Dalek ship and lock the door and then TAKE OFF to head towards lands unknown.<br />
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<br />
The Daleks aren't best pleased about this new development, and the Dalek Supreme has a bit of a pop at Mavic Chen.<br />
<br />
DALEK SUPREME: Mavic Chen, you have failed in your task.<br />
MAVIC CHEN: Failed?! Is this my greeting? I agree that my mission was to return to Earth and recover the Taranium. This I have not done.<br />
DALEK SUPREME: Failure will not be tolerated!<br />
MAVIC CHEN: But I did notify you of the fugitives' whereabouts. The planet Mira.<br />
DALEK SUPREME: You make your incompetence sound like an achievement.<br />
MAVIC CHEN: Yeah, well, you have a stupid face.<br />
<br />
On the Dalek spaceship, the Doctor is working on making a replica of the Taranium core to fool the Daleks. He gets it looking pretty perf, except the original core is glowy, and the new one is not. He and Sara mull this over for a while, and Steven eventually suggests using G-force to make the glow happen. Sara smirks and mocks Steven's primitive 23rd century technology.<br />
<br />
BUT THEN the Daleks whack a magnetisation beam their way and the Doctor and Sara are distracted trying to stop themselves being pulled back to Kembel, where this whole mess started. Steven lets them get on with it and mumbles that G-force worked perfectly well in the 2200's, and decides to give it a bash anyway. Poor baby should stick to standing around looking pretty, cos he knocks himself out with the power surge. But it makes the fake Taranium all glowy, so it's not all bad! Gold star to Steven!<br />
<br />
Meanwhile, Dalek HQ is pretty excited that they're getting back their hunk of Taranium and also three shiny new people to exterminate! Mavic Chen, who is kicking around on Kembel, dunno when that happened now I think about it, suggests that maybe they should all be shipped back to Earth for a trial! ... like, why? I don't understand the benefit of that, Chen, baby. Unless you are a good egg after all, which I DOUBT. The Daleks obviously dismiss that as a terrible idea and carry roping the ship in with the intention of grabbing the Taranium and killing everything.<br />
<br />
On the ship, Steven has regained consciousness but is still really out of it. Also, he is surrounded by this forcefield of the G-force that he exploded all over himself. The Doctor sees this and comes up with a plan - when they land on Kembel, he urges Zombie Steven to walk in front.<br />
<br />
Still really trying to be good at talking, the Doctor bats his eyelashes at the Daleks and says that he'll give them the Taranium (the fake one, which is in Zombie Steven's hand) but only in front of his ship. Hurrah, the TARDIS! He hasn't forgotten about it! The Daleks are reluctant, but eventually agree to it out of pure desire to shut the Doctor up because he is not good at this.<br />
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So the whole happy gang head over to the TARDIS and Sara and the Doctor skip right on inside, leaving Steven out in the jungle with the Daleks. Over the speaker, the Doctor instructs Zombie Steven to hand over the Taranium, which he does, before plodding slowly over to the ship. After a quick check to make sure the Taranium is as glowy as it should be (it is), the Dalek Supreme happily tells the Daleks to shoot Steven before he makes it back inside. But alas! Steven has a forcefield! So the beams of death just bounce right off him! He makes it inside and closes the door while the Daleks are looking at their egg whisks in confusion, and the TARDIS dematerialises the hell outta there.<br />
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The attempted murder has snapped Steven out of his daze, and inside the TARDIS he's all normal again. The Doctor allows him a few moments of peace before they get into a huge argument about the G-force thing; at one point, though, the Doctor absently says, "Now, where's the real Taranium?" which REALLY makes me hope that they've botched the handover because that would be brilliant.<br />
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However, because the world is not perfect, that doesn't seem to be the case; the crazy cliffhanger the episode ends on is just that wherever the TARDIS is now (because they still can't control where it goes), the atmosphere outside is poisonous. Not as shocking as I was hoping, but it'll do, I guess.<br />
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On the other hand, the next episode is called The Feast of Steven, so I guess you can't have everything.<br />
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MooshUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8297455493145820008.post-8192206720158155652012-10-07T20:56:00.000+01:002014-02-08T22:48:25.980+00:00The Daleks' Master Plan Part 5/12: Counter PlotSo in the previous episode, Blond Beard and Katarina got sucked out into space, Bret's friend Daxtar turned out to be (potentially) working for Mavic Chen (maybe) and got shot for his troubles, and Looks A Bit Like Vicki Sara Kingdom shot Bret while the Doctor and Steven ran away. A nice, fluffy, light-hearted episode where not much happened, then.<br />
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The Doctor and Steven - still running from the crazy lady with the gun - don't know that Bret has been wounded in action. They stumble on this weird room with a machine with mice inside it? The Doctor suggests that it's some kind of transmitter, and I dunno if it's just the novelty of seeing him actually move (this, along with <a href="http://mooshwatcheswho.blogspot.co.uk/2012/09/the-daleks-master-plan-part-212-day-of.html">episode 2 of this serial</a>, have been the only surviving full episodes of season 3 so far), but apparently another of the room's powers is making Steven look a lot more attractive than usual. Not that he's ever unattractive, but. Is good.<br />
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In another science room elsewhere, two science dudes are doing some science. Their names are Froyn and Rhynmal and fucking hell, who cares about these stupid weird names. Calling them Frank and Raymond.<br />
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Frank and Raymond are in the middle of a "highly complicated experiment" when Borkar, the dude Sara Kingdom sent to look for Steven and the Doctor, bursts in and demands to know if they've seen anything weird. The science dudes politely tell him to piss off, and resume their work.<br />
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While Borkar is checking out various laboratories, Doesn't Mess About Sara Kingdom stalks right into the room where Steven and the Doctor are hanging out and makes it clear that she wants the Taranium back off them. Unfortunately, before she can finish brandishing her gun, the room goes mental. It apparently makes them enjoy themselves a little too much, which is all very well and good, but the Doctor's face looks like this:<br />
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Certainly not complaining about Sara Kingdom's, though.<br />
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OH, COOL. So the weird room that the Doctor and Steven (and now Sara) are in just so happens to be the site of the experiment that Frank and Raymond are doing and they all just got DISSEMINATED, which means they're being beamed light years across space to some random planet far far away. <br />
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After some really high-tech footage of the dissemination (lol nope), the Doctor and Steven wake up on Mira, another jungley planet. They try to wake up Sara, and succeed eventually, and also the viewer gets a cheeky insight to the fact that the inhabitants of Mira are invisible; the only sign of them moving around are these claw-like footprints. <br />
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Mavic Chen and his creepy head of security, Karlton, have another wankfest of a meeting where they talk about how cool they are, and they plan to tell the Daleks that shipping the fugitives and the buttload of Taranium to Mira was DEFINITELY ON PURPOSE. The Daleks (who are still kicking around, being mediocre as always) send a ship out to Mira to see what's what.<br />
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Don't Take No Shit From Nobody Sara Kingdom is trying to get the lowdown from the Doctor, who as usual is bullshitting his way through an explanation.<br />
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SARA: But how did we get here?<br />
DOCTOR: Cellular dissemination.<br />
SARA: Cellular what?<br />
DOCTOR: To put it in... lay language, cellular dissemination means our bodies were broken up by some process or other, shot through into the fourth dimension and at a given point, reassembled again on this planet.<br />
STEVEN: I don't know what at least half of those words mean.<br />
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The Doctor wanders off on his own to try and figure out where the hell they are, and Steven and Sara have a fight over the fact that Sara shot Bret (so I guess he's actually really dead, which sucks). Steven is really working the sexy dominant thing and Sara is giving as good as she gets and hot DAMN. Unfortunately, the Doctor reappears just before they start tearing each other's clothes off but THEN Sara reveals that Bret was in fact HER BROTHER and I genuinely just gasped aloud omg. <br />
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But also the Daleks have landed on the planet! They find the little box of mice and it scares them, so they blow it up. And then they find the Doctor, Sara and Steven and tell them they're surrounded. The Doctor, putting on a brave face for his worried companions, immediately tells them that the Daleks have won. Thanks, Doc, it's a real comfort to have you around.<br />
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Probably gonna be a bit of a gap between this post and the next one because I don't have internet right now (nobody noticed I skipped a post this week, right?) but I promise that I will not forget you, Classic Doctor Who. You're actually a lot better than the most recent series has been, so I remain loyal to you.<br />
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Fuck Reboot Who season 7, though, am I right?<br />
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MooshUnknownnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8297455493145820008.post-55263408108524207062012-09-30T02:27:00.001+01:002014-02-08T22:42:16.011+00:00The Daleks' Master Plan Part 4/12: The TraitorsSo the Doctor, Steven, Katarina and Bret are in the stolen spaceship on the prison planet Desperus, the Dalek spaceship is just about to land right next to them, and Blond Beard (real name: Kirksen), a crazy inmate of the prison, has just burst into their ship brandishing a knife.<br />
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Blond Beard demands to know who's in charge of the ship; Bret says that he is, so Blond Beard threatens to stab everything unless Bret takes them to the planet Kembel (Dalek HQ), because if they go to Earth, Blond Beard will just get sent straight back to Desperus and those Daleks sound like decent chaps, they'll probably help him.<br />
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So, because Bret and Steven are sneaky bastards, they both start pretending to switch all the controls around on the console. They tell Blond Beard that it's all done, they're on their way to Kembel now - he is understandably suspicious, because it doesn't feel like they've changed direction at all. Bret, brilliantly, points to the view screen and says that if Blond Beard looks that way he'll see, and then when Blond Beard does, Steven rushes at him to try and tackle him.<br />
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Most unfortunately, though, Blond Beard has crazy-man reflexes and he dodges Steven and grabs Katarina, but he falls back into the airlock. Steven hits the button that traps them both inside. I don't know what shit they're trying to pull, I LIKE Katarina. STOP TRYING TO GET RID OF MY FAVOURITE CHARACTERS.<br />
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The Doctor tries negotiating with Blond Beard over the intercom:<br />
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DOCTOR: Now, then! Listen to me, whoever you are. Bring that girl in here, or we will press a button and you will go outside the door - into space.<br />
BLOND BEARD: Then the girl dies too! If you open the outside door, I'll press the inner release and then we'll all be dead!<br />
DOCTOR: ... good point, well made.<br />
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So they change course, because they don't want anything to happen to Katarina. But then Katarina breaks free of Blond Beard's grip! And reaches for the switch to open the airlock door! But she hits the one that opens the door to the DARK VACUUM OF SPACE BABY NO I WAS JOKING ABOUT THEM GETTING RID OF YOU JEEZ WHAT IS WITH THIS SHOW.<br />
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STEVEN: She... she pressed the wrong button, Doctor.<br />
DOCTOR: She may have wanted to, dear boy. She wanted to save our lives.<br />
BRET: It must have been... quick.<br />
DOCTOR: I hope she's reached her Place of Perfection.<br />
VIEWER: SHUT UP, DOCTOR, YOU INSENSITIVE PRICK.<br />
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In places NOT torn to shreds with sadness and heartbreak, Mavic Chen is hanging out in his office with his security chief, known as Karlton, and Lizan, who is... a person. I don't know who she is, exactly, but she's doing technical stuff to show Mavic a hologram of Bret and sending it out to all the Space Security agents. She leaves pretty quickly, at which point Mavic and Karlton basically just rub their hands together and talk about how awesome it'll be when they rule the universe. But their celebratory wankfest is interrupted by a phone call saying that the traitors have landed close by, so that's exciting.<br />
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The traitors themselves (and by traitors I mean the Doctor, Bret, and Steven, hope you got that) have actually landed inside this experimental science station? Bret says they should wait there for a while because he has a friend who works there and he'll be able to help them out. Unfortunately, Sara Kingdom, the chick in command of the hunt for Bret, sees them arrive and reports back to Mavic Chen post haste, telling him that she has trapped them inside and she'll kill them herself!<br />
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Sara's pretty badass (and another woman in a cool position of power! 1965 did GOOD), but she looks too much like Vicki for me to be entirely happy with her being there. That wound is still fresh.<br />
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Bret's friend Daxtar arrives and everyone fills him in on Mavic Chen's association with the Daleks. Daxtar is all, 'Well, shit! At least you guys have the Taranium, right?' at which point the Doctor is all, 'OH NAH MATE nobody mentioned anything about Taranium I guess you must be in league with Mavic Chen!' Daxtar swears blind that the Doctor mentioned it (which is actually plausible, the conversation wasn't aired and they definitely told him about the Time Destructor), and appeals to Steven and Bret to help him out, but Bret... shoots him in the face. Okay cool.<br />
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Bret takes charge and decides that he's going to head to the security building himself and send out alerts to some people in charge, and the other two agree, then BAM, Sara Kingdom bursts in and points a gun at them. Bret is pretty gutted, as that's another one of his friends that Mavic Chen has turned against him, but he's man enough to distract Sara while Steven and the Doctor escape. Nice one, Bret.<br />
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But then Sara SHOOTS HIM and radios some guy to look out for the other two and SHOOT THEM when he sees them and THE EPISODE ENDS.<br />
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Man, I hope Bret's not really dead. The last few episodes have been a bloodbath as it is. It's mental.<br />
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MooshUnknownnoreply@blogger.com0